Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

I hope you get the bleeding sorted out. Been dealing with non-stop bleeding over here too (almost three months 😬). I wasn’t sure if yours was trauma-based or hormone-based? For trauma-based bleeding.. yarrow tincture every hour might help. For hormone-based (pretty sure that’s not happening for you because you’re not doing the estrogen-progesterone party anymore?) Shepherds Purse tincture seems to be a miracle. Anyway, hope you can talk to a provider soon. The thirst thing seems like it could be a big deal.
Ooo thank you!

It's trauma-based, and somewhat hormone based but because of a lack of estrogen, I think? Hehehehe

Like, I've had stuff shoved up there before, and had bleach poured in there and other holes, so I'm almost certain that's done SOMETHING. Besides just turning my flesh into soap, lol. But my hymen was still in tact, probably because as an intersex child, the doctors would keep me on the highest doses of estrogen physically possible for a GROWN woman, which meant everything down there was very elastic. And my dick shrank to the size of a clitoris. Larger end, but still that small.

But now that I'm on testosterone, the lining of my vagina (am I being too blunt? @ladee would have found that funny, I don't know what's inappropriate or isn't lol) is thinning to a single cell thick, it's dryer there, my actual vagina is way, way smaller and my "dick" is back to the size it was when I was 10 (aka before testosterone), AND most importantly the elasticity down there is now almost nothing.

So, when I let a cis man slide on in, my hymen absolutely ripped in two, which is where I think most of the blood came from. I was absolutely shocked it did, to the point that when he told me I was bleeding I figured it was from the inside of me.

But no, I think most of it is hymen, long story short, which just feels weird, but, you know.

Probably another reason why it took me so many days to think about the fact that I should probably get that checked, honestly, lol.

I have a prostate but it's right under my urethra, so it gets a little bit in the way of penetration. My hymen previously took up the bottom half of the hole, but stretched out of the way pretty well I guess.

Anyway, the only reason I'm saying that is because I remembered suddenly that the thing that upset me the MOST in the moment after I saw it was ripped was that previously, because of the prostate placement, my hole was heart shaped. And then, with the rip, it wasn't as much on the bottom lol

I dunno why but it really messed me up for a bit.

I got over it by realizing that it looked like a stray cat ear, with the little rips, and that chilled me out again, mostly, to where I'm calmer about the blood now than I was.

And it IS bleeding less now, and thank you for that info!!! I might keep something like that on hand for the bird or other critters too 👀

Thank you!

Sorry for replying to you AND adding to the diary at the same time :P

Edit to add: I once had a heavy period for 10 months (or maybe 8?) and it sucked, I completely feel you!! Do you have PCOS or something like that?
Currently I am trying to eat because I'm hungry, but body says I can't eat because I'm too dehydrated, so I've had (over the last two hours) five glasses of water and still peed darker than usual 🙄

Can't wait to be caught up on hydration, basically
Do you have an appointment scheduled for the dehydration? Kidney problems can lead to a lot of other problems related to heart and blood pressure and can be caused by various endocrine disruptions. I’m really concerned about that for you. Drinking that much water and still having dark urine and thirst affecting ability to eat sounds like an ER visit to me. Or at least Urgent Care (which I suspect would refer you to ER.). I’m glad you are not panicking and that your intuition seems to be that you’re okay, but from an outsider perspective and having a friend with kidney disease my alarm bells are rattling.
). I’m glad you are not panicking and that your intuition seems to be that you’re okay, but from an outsider perspective and having a friend with kidney disease my alarm bells are rattling

Go. To. ER
The excessive thirst and dark urine could be signs of a kidney infection- not something to mess about with. And drinking all that water can really mess up your electrolyte balance and make it worse

Or at least call advice nurse...NOW

Lol you brought out the bossy dispatcher in me!
Lol okay fair -- I actually came back to say that I tried to drive but couldn't drive straight, rip

This has been an ongoing issue for years now tho, since I was a toddler! I mean, not being so thirsty I can't eat, but being excessively thirsty and not being able to quench it.

I don't have a fever or anything so I don't think it's an infection! 🤔
I have brain damage so that, plus the probably diabetes insipidus (spelling???), plus some meds that make me pee extra don't help much. I don't think ER would be fun either way tho 😂 I can tell I'm not dying though, and the doctor visit is on Tuesday, so, might still wait a LITTLE bit :P

Edit to add, brain damage starting at age 1.5 or so, that one so good I had a fever about it if memory serves, so it probably triggered the diabetes insipidus

I'm not sure if I'm using the right word there lol. The latin word that means tastes bad
I’m glad you paged the doctor. You deserve the medical care. You don’t need to accept bleeding, dehydration, etc.

i get the disconnect. Having something happening to a body part that had trauma, and on top of that it being a body part that you don’t want, is a recipe for being disconnected?

When you se the doctor, do you have a safety plan for how you want any examination to go?
When you se the doctor, do you have a safety plan for how you want any examination to go?
I actually haven't thought of it 🤔 I honestly think I'll be okay, though. I'm able to comfort myself the way I can comfort my dog when she has to get an uncomfortable procedure done (she had a UTI that was too stubborn to quit so they turned her upside down to gently get a probe into her bladder while she was awake to get a sample for the lab, it was a whole big thing with a lot of stress but she's cured now :D)

But just in case, I'll think of something! I was going to have a friend there with me and my doggo, so that ought to help if I get even a little upset :)

And thank you for saying I deserve care. It feels weird to think about but yeah, I do.