Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Thank you :) :)

I used to feel constant guilt about Dove, if I’m more open than usual for a second. I was given the choice to adopt her when I was fresh out of being traumatized, when I was about twelve years old — so about a year after things went bad for me. I was a bit superstitious (still am when it comes to luck, if that makes sense), which came about because I was magically getting all the classes I wanted (middle school is hard), and had gotten away from a kidnapper Pedo on kindness alone and also my mom miraculously lived, and also my dad was treating me pretty okay. Long story short, coping mechanism. Trying to be positive.

I’ve had some people threaten me saying that they’ll teach me why this isn’t a positive world. But it just doesn’t work on me :)

Dove was hatched on my birthday in 2007 and my mom approached me saying she noticed I wanted a cockatoo, so she wanted to know if I wanted a cockatiel. Said she’d give me some time to think on it


For anyone with kids reading this, COCKATIELS ARE NOT GREAT PETS FOR CHILDREN. Or, at least not solely for the child.

Plus, my bird ended up hating my dad, so that was that

I spent years believing I was a bad bird owner, and had to start from scratch with we about five times a year because Dove holds long grudges and has trust issues. It was really hard to figure out what was messing with her. Cats and other mammals have a kind of universal-ish language — still a lot of barriers between species but navigatable, especially for a human, but not birds. I had a very hard time figuring her out.

We had a Maine Coone/Russian blue mix cat at the time. Super tame and intelligent enough to tell pets from prey. I ended up having Dove and that cat, Pewter, be friends. Worked out too well

It took until this year to finally feel less guilty about things. I thought I was mistreating her, because of things my dad would say. Turns out that’s not true, because she lets me pet her, and birds don’t let you pet them if you might hurt them :)

She still bites me but I take it way less personally as an adult

Also she’s gotten more likely to play games with my mom and her vet while out of her cage ever since I handfed her those antibiotics

I think the antibiotics should apologize

 

[littleoc]

I actually came here to mention that my American side of the family is pretty American — my mom calls herself a recovering catholic — but they were origionally Irish-with-German (no, I don’t understand what that means...) and moved to the United States and sort of pretended it wasn’t an issue by speaking great English.

Yet, my mom claims her family was attracted to my dad’s family BECAUSE immigrants are so isolated. My mom’s side absolutely did not get rich and actually barely made a living, and married into the American family that made my mom’s side “American.” Which is my mom’s dad, who is an atheist but let his kids be raised Catholic because he was busy being a war veteran before PTSD treatment was a thing. So that was what was meant by “American,” according to my mom?

Now my mom is saying that our families were screwed from the start, and that’s why she never got support for things. Americans don’t really like immigrants.

I think she is wrong. I was born here and so was she, except really North. I agree that my Russian side got crazy lucky with music and money. But I don’t think they would have if my grandfather or his little brother both allowed people to talk to them funny for being not-American.

She said that my great uncle killed himself for a reason, and I said that was after he’d been to Tokyo and Budapest and other great places doing music for America. FOR America. Then she argued that he killed himself after performing in the White House.

I am pretty sure that wasn’t the story. I mean, it was, but it wasn’t that. This dude lived through horrors that didn’t happen in America. It was religious intolerance that haunted that side of the family.

Long story short, I am confused and not willing to argue the point, but I think most Americans are welcoming. Otherwise we (I’m a real American!) wouldn’t smile so much! And try to talk to people who don’t speak our language to tell them that the coat they’re trying on should stay with them! (True story — no idea what language she was speaking, and she didn’t know English, but the coat looked GREAT on her and like five of us were trying to tell her)

I think the weirdest thing was being called a Commie in high school by a coach, but the coach started to like me so that was all that was needed. Honestly I think being gay was a worse issue. And the religion was an issue

My black friends had a lot to say on this, including B who is a Tutsi from Rwanda (born after the main conflicts, yay), who said she nearly got into huge trouble on her arrival into America because she checked the box that said “African American” because she was an African becoming American. She was very confused by the definition, and M, from Memphis, agreed it was messed up that he didn’t get to be just an American, but had to be African, which sparked really interesting discussion. My mom likes being called a “European American” so that was fun to talk about

My friend from Nigeria said he’s only had problems in grocery stores. My friend from Bangladesh got hit by a car aggressively, and two cops tried to prove he was at fault — he is Muslim. All my friends agree that this is more a reason to be concerned than his race or ethnicity here right now

But I was born in America, don’t act/look particularly Jewish, and I’m as welcoming as I can be, which I think proves my own point that Americans aren’t always isolative?

I mean, my neighbors next door dislike me for being female, would dislike me if they found out I was gay, and dislike me for being the wrong kind of and being related to either of my parents (Irish, German, and Russian — great combo in their eyes for eViL even know I was literally born here), but it’s also had like 0 influence on me. I’m pretty lucky though but I’m sure idiots will always exist and are okay to ignore.

Like that time they told me that my pet snake was a serpent of Satan even after seeing his baby face

Anyway, I’m just ranting now. My mom sees so much hatred in the world and it makes me uncomfortable. My friends see it too but they seem to like my ideas and say I’m not wrong completely or anything. Maybe I just suck at conflicting ideas? But chucking it out here will get me to quit thinking about it so I can get more stuff done, so there’s that

 

[ILoveLife]

So.. American = War PTSD, money and religion :)

 

[littleoc]

Basically!

I guess I’m at least 1/3 American

.....and so are the rest of you! >=D

 

[littleoc]

Wait, more like 0.5/3 American lol

 

[littleoc]

I haven’t been in any wars! Thank goodness, I’d suck at war

 

[ILoveLife]

I have at least one American bone, has a southern accent :P

 

[littleoc]

Why does the smell of feces have to be a trigger? Why am I always in unlikely positions where I have to deal with it? ):

 

[littleoc]

 

[littleoc]

The last sad face was to be humorous

 

[littleoc]

Bet I won’t remember that face later

 

[littleoc]

Get it? =)