Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[somerandomguy]

Glad you went @littleoc.

 

[bellbird]

:hug:

 

[littleoc]

Thanks for the hug @bellbird :hug:

And me, too, @somerandomguy. Definitely beat sitting at home feeling vaguely uncomfortable.

I remember a bit why I was afraid to go to a congregation — a mix of fear of being angry at G-d and being afraid of Brandi’s reaction. I don’t feel like talking about it right now.

The people were very kind! I sat in the back after glancing at cheese, and a few people came and sat by me and introduced themselves and started helping me be prepared for the service. It was lovely! They sounded very excited when I told them that I was picking up where my family left off. I didn’t mention my last name. I don’t think it would have changed anyone’s reactions, though. They were very chill and mature. And educated.

Also they have a book club. I think I’ll hop on that.

There’s also a Buddhist temple like five minutes from here. But for reasons I don’t think are good to explain right now, I’m afraid to get too near. But I might visit for curiosity’s sake and force myself to be less afraid. They might have volunteer opportunities closer to home. And I can always leave if something goes wrong. I am safe.

Although, this place is covered in Christian Churches. I bet I could find tons of volunteer stuff for around Christmas :)

I can tell I like this synagogue. The door had a rainbow flag that said “ALL ARE WELCOME,” they make Trump jokes (all presidents make for great jobs, thanks Obama), and they brought up that the homeless men need shelter and there is a volunteer opportunity for that. They seem to actually care

 

[ILoveLife]

You seem happy to have found this, it's a stepping out of the constant bubble you've been in. :D I'm happy for you.

And, plus... You're making awesome progress :) :hug:

 

[Freida]

@Freida, I’ve thought of you as an elephant since I met you! You’re a perfect matriarch.

aww...that made me teary :hug:

So I worked up the nerve, called, and asked if they mind gay people. The lady on the phone answered, “We accept everyone,” so yay! I like it when I hear that. I asked about having a service dog. She said sure, bring her. Then asked me if I’m coming today.

The people were very kind! I sat in the back after glancing at cheese, and a few people came and sat by me and introduced themselves and started helping me be prepared for the service. It was lovely!

can tell I like this synagogue. The door had a rainbow flag that said “ALL ARE WELCOME,” they make Trump jokes (all presidents make for great jobs, thanks Obama), and they brought up that the homeless men need shelter and there is a volunteer opportunity for that. They seem to actually care

I am so very, very proud of you for going and so estactic that they were kind and welcoming to you! What a fabulous experience!!! They sound like amazing people.
And @TTC18 is right - one off ramp, drive a bit, next on ramp.... You will be amazed how fast you will get used to it. Just don't try it during rush hour! :laugh:

 

[ILoveLife]

Santa award and Unicorn award for you too ??

 

[littleoc]

Thank you both!!!

Yeah, it really helped cheer me up. When I see my therapist tomorrow (in my own car, by myself because I have a lisence :D) she’ll be happy to know that I found a way besides dissociating to deal with living here.

And I’m glad I went, because otherwise I would have had a flashback when I found out like an hour ago that my little bro had a crisis. A doctor he saw misunderstood a medication (very careless doctor, I hope he makes a big deal of it) and nearly killed him. My little bro has hormone imbalances in his head, probably from being abused at a young age plus it being genetic — she gave him a medication that ruined his brain’s ability to make seratonin. So he woke up completely not fine and I’m very glad he has a wife. Very glad!

But he’s okay, he called my mom to tell her (he’s a lil mamma’s boy (and he’s very proud of it)) and he’s hopefully back on his meds. Some doctors need to remember to be careful!

And I didn’t have a flashback! Those things are exhausting and they ruin sleep (I don’t need to explain to y’all, what am I doing?), so after several months straight of them being common, I’m feeling very relieved.

However, it makes the fact that the spot pedophile cut is still hurting way more concerning. I know one doctor tried to remove the spot the pedo cut. I couldn’t consent to that because I had a TBI. I was told it was benign. Obviously. I wonder if I should ask a doctor why it’s still hurting. I wonder if it’s a sad nerve? Because I’m currently not having flashbacks so that can’t quite explain the pain?

 

[bellbird]

(in my own car, by myself because I have a lisence :D)

!!!!!!

So he woke up completely not fine and I’m very glad he has a wife. Very glad!

Oh my gosh. I am very glad he does, as well!
:hug: :hug:

And I didn’t have a flashback!

So amazing!

I know one doctor tried to remove the spot the pedo cut.

How can they remove a cut, though?
And what was their reasoning to do so?

I’m currently not having flashbacks so that can’t quite explain the pain?

Are you stressed, though?

 

[littleoc]

How can they remove a cut, though?
And what was their reasoning to do so?

I can’t remember it well? I know there was concern that it was cancerous. So they scheduled a local surgery, which i would NEVER have agreed to. I remember more than I have real English words for, but I can’t explain the situation. I remember it in a couple of different ways, too, so I’m still confused by it. But a nurse was either holding my hand or holding me down. And the doctor was making jokes and telling me... something.

It wasn’t cancer, though. So that’s obvious but nice to know. I see the memory in weird snapshots. It just have happened after the amnesia but not far enough after. I know Nestle was there. And one nurse was disappointed that she was forgotten. I was sure of that last sentence until I said it.

I hated that doctor, so I am positive that if I agreed to the surgery it was because I was out of mind. Lol

Are you stressed, though?

A bit, more worried that his health can fail that fast. But unlike his (our) dad, he actually medicates and is a healthy person overall. I think he’ll be okay though. His wife is smart and strong

It’s no longer my responsibility to keep him alive, because he’s actually getting the medical help he needs. So I try not to worry because he’d hate it I did anyway. He is too smart for that

Also he is a man now. So he can go get help any time! Just sucks that we don’t have any health insurance right now :(

So amazing!

Yeah!!!!

 

[littleoc]

Yeah, it’s definitely a stressor though. Let’s not talk about it! He’s safe now

I told him about a stray cat Nestle found who refused to touch a human but was fine with Nestle for some reason lol

 

[littleoc]

*says to avoid stressor topics*

*immediately goes back to novel about the healing of children with PTSD by the veteran with PTSD who rescued them from an abuser who is still on the run and after them*

I make good life choices

 

[TTC18]

*says to avoid stressor topics*

*immediately goes back to novel about the healing of children with PTSD by the veteran with PTSD who rescued them from an abuser who is still on the run and after them*

I make good life choices

:hug: