Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

She's not orange, I'm just too tired to think of an insult that isn't insulting. I was going to say "I shouldn't have been held accountable, you spoon," but I'm not really sure that conveys that she was capable of being responsible for herself.

 

[littleoc]

Also I really like spoons. Especially mini spoons, for mixing. Or for dollhouses. I don't own any because I never buy them, but I like them.

Like these ones: https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1Lw8e...ature-Spoon-Fake-Food-Jewelry.jpg_640x640.jpg

I don't own any. No use for them honestly

 

[littleoc]

I found a sticky note on my pillow, in my therapist’s handwriting, that says “It is time to save myself!” So that was alarming o.O

I guess it’s a sign lol

 

[littleoc]

I bet it got stuck to the cat and she was on my pillow? Still tho

 

[siniang]

Not much headspace left tonight to put thoughts into actual words, but just letting you know that I'm reading along. You're not alone.

 

[littleoc]

Thank you @siniang :hug: :hug:

 

[littleoc]

I came on here because in my head I was evaluating the last conversation I had with Brandi (it's a normal human thing, don't worry about it) and I suddenly realized that she was hurt that I was "accusing" her of hurting my air conditioning?

Two possibilities:

1. She remembered that me as Fungus was unconditionally understanding, kind, forgiving of all her quirks/"quirks" and was confused because I, me (???), felt she was going to try to betray me, when, as far she Brandi could understand, I had betrayed her. (Because she's the center of the world and all that.)
2. It was a continued "punishment" where she felt she was creating boundaries, while trying to keep me away.

I think she was mostly upset to see what I really thought of her. In fact the more I try to pull this apart in my head, the less sense it makes. I can tell by the words I remember that she was too upset to argue like a normal person. And her girlfriend that she cheated on me with accused me of being abusive for calling Brandi out on being abusive.

Maybe I shouldn't even be trying to put logic into her words. She wasn't the logical type. She was the person who said to my friend Scottie, "I'm a hypocrite and I'm proud of it." So. Hm.



.



Anyway, back to my that I'm writing at three-thirty in the morning like a nerd, lol.

Yes, I made that image. My career plan is about 15 pages long right now.

 

[somerandomguy]

Honestly, anything Brandi said to you was the crap that an abuser spews. Don't put any weight onto it. It's really not worth thinking about and it's definitely not worth trying to parse for understanding.

 

[Freida]

She remembered that me as Fungus was unconditionally understanding, kind, forgiving

Fungus is part of you. The whole YOU. The you that is caring and kind and loving and understanding to everyone. Brandi needed that part to be separated because it's the part she wanted to destroy because she was a very, very sick person. She didn't want to share it with anyone else. That's what she didn't trust. If she couldn't have it all to herself she was willing to destroy it.

But she couldn't. Because it's who you are -- even after all you have been thru.
Fungus has kept that part of you safe
Fungus kept that part of you alive
Fungus is really freaking awesome!
And now Fungus is ready to bring those parts back to you
Because Fungus knows Brandi is no longer a threat

 

[Juso]

Anyway, back to my View attachment 55772 that I'm writing at three-thirty in the morning like a nerd, lol.

Yes, I made that image. My career plan is about 15 pages long right now.

I had to laugh reading this. Thank you.
Amazing that you have a career plan!!! You wanna share bits of that plan?
Sorry I've been sooooo absent. I literally had no time to breathe these last months. I probably missed a lot in your diary, but if I go back and read everything I won't ever post something, that I know now (I've tried it too many times?). So I am sorry if I'll make you repeat yourself when I am asking you questions such as the one above.
How are you doing? Will you be able to move out soon? Or are you still stuck there? Are you getting help? ?
I'll try to read some pages in order to update myself.
Sending you sunlight (we have so much of it right now) and butterflies!?

 

[siniang]

You ok?

 

[Freida]

Hey!!! Where are you??