Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Freida]

Mine too!!!

 

[Freida]

And your fur babies are adorable!

 

[littleoc]

Someone triggered my PTSD so badly that I forgot who I was for a couple hours. It felt like all my progress just went down the drain. I know it didn’t. But I am terrified now about loosing myself again. I thought I was someone else. I haven’t had that happen since Brandi. I didn’t know it was possible anymore. I don’t want to go back to that.

Bought $100 of adult fidget toys for comfort. All arrived. Lots of fun.

Very distressed. Could not sleep for fear of forgetting who I am. Cancelled my therapy appointments. I’m not going to be able to talk today.

Did message Scottie on accident about it. He calmed me down. He didn’t mind at all. No judgment either. Good friend. He knew Brandi once too and believes me. Nothing more validating than that. Sometimes it’s fun to just gossip about her weird, dumb behaviors. I think today I won’t want to but I’ll still let him come over. Mondays are clean up days.

My OCD brain is convinced that since I told him about being brainwashed in moderate detail that I have somehow put bad vibes in the air and I should check and get reassurance that he’s fine. I’ve resisted the urge. Which is great because that’d add to the exhaustion.

I deleted an entire messaging app just to avoid this person. I want to explain but maybe later. I’m so tired.

Hope y’all have a good day ? Good fun fact I learned (gotta end positive) — in a recent study, researched noted a correlation (in their data anyway, more research required) between people who eat some cheese daily (40g/ 1/3 cup of shredded daily) and a decreased risk of stroke and heart attack. They speculated about probiotics, natural mother-to-baby opioids, and specific proteins.

 

[littleoc]

This is a Trauma diary. I can certainly talk about what specifically was triggered here without fear of hurting anyone.

 

[bellbird]

This is a Trauma diary. I can certainly talk about what specifically was triggered here without fear of hurting anyone.

Yes!!!! You absolutely can.

I am super glad you have Scottie as a friend :hug: it must be so helpful to have that validation from someone who knew Brandi IRL too.

Someone triggered my PTSD so badly that I forgot who I was for a couple hours.

I'm really sorry that this happened.
Maybe it would be helpful to use your fidget toys a lot at the moment?

When I can't remember who I am (usually when I wake up from a nightmare. Actually happened about 40 min ago) -- I have a script I say out loud to myself.
"My name is bellbird, I live at 123 birb road, and I am safe."
Maybe something similar could help you?

Hugs, if you accept :hug:

 

[somerandomguy]

:hug:
Sorry nothing better than that. You really need a hug though.

 

[Freida]

I'm so sorry hun....That sucks.

But glad you had Scottie to help and that you came here so we can support you. :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Thanks, it really does help to feel supported. :hug:

 

[bellbird]

Thinking of you.
Sending kindness and calm your way, with a gentle reminder that you are a wonderful human being who I am so thankful to have crossed paths with ?

 

[littleoc]

Right back at you, dude :hug: ??

 

[LuckiLee]

Hey there. I was thinking about you earlier today. I know you're busy with all kinds of things so you have been kinda quiet around here lately. I hope you're doing well.

?

 

[littleoc]

I THINK I've taken care of the issue and I hope it doesn’t happen again. I have a lot of lingering doubt and guilt, but this person was too ill to be friends with me right now and MUCH too triggering. Unfortunately we have the same therapist (I’ll get into that tonight or tomorrow more) so that ended up seriously complicating the issue in a way that wouldn’t normally have happened. But going back to thinking I was Fungus EVEN BRIEFLY was beyond the line. Too scary for me. I felt crazy and this person was acting like I was crazy as well for not “being close” after having met ONCE.

She was very mentally ill and also intellectually disabled so I gave her a huge pass but it’s just not going to work. My dad, too, is intellectually disabled, as was Brandi, so maybe I need to somehow be more careful about this? Despite having been very careful!

I’ll be less vague later when I’m actually working this out more. I’m sitting in a parking lot waiting for my mother to finish a little shopping and need to text some people. Can’t do REAL work on this yet

Anyway, fun fact to end: I accidentally evaded a cop!!! I had to call the police department because I saw him looking for me afterwards and I felt terrible! It was hilarious