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Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

LuckiLee said:
Hey there. I was thinking about you earlier today. I know you're busy with all kinds of things so you have been kinda quiet around here lately. I hope you're doing well.

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Yes, I’ve been busier than expected! I think I’ll be getting busier too because a wild animal rehab center is looking for volunteers and I’m going to apply to see what happens — but that’d be more hours I’d guarantee elsewhere!

Plus I’m wary about doing too much trauma work while I don’t feel perfectly stable. Even for just an hour daily.

I hope you’re doing well! ? ? ?
 
littleoc said:
I have a lot of lingering doubt and guilt, but this person was too ill to be friends with me right now and MUCH too triggering.
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I get this. But I just want to emphasise to you that you have done absolutely nothing wrong by making this decision.

In fact, it is a super healthy decision and it's really really awesome that you put your wellbeing first.

And also, you're not crazy. :hug:
 
Aw, jeez, more stuff happened and I’m totally overwhelmed. My aunts’ house caught fire. Their House was a hoard worse than my mom’s, so firefighters were unable to put it out because the fire spread too quickly. They lost everything. Nikki is 72 and I didn’t want her and her wife homeless so I tried cleaning upstairs by myself, without Scottie. My mom came up to help for as long as she could. I managed to make one bed more accessible but the room is a disaster and it’s making me upset. Very very upset.

Unplugged many things today to be a safe. Only one room is unsafe in the event of fire in my house now. That would be the upstairs room.

I put some of my mom’s stuff from my mom’s old room into her current room. Her current room has too much stuff in it now.

Scottie and I cleaned off the table, but now it’s too cluttered again.

I want every room in this house perfect. I am overwhelmed because this is an unrealistic expectation and Scottie is currently texting me that right now but I am trying not to be too upset. :(
 
littleoc said:
I want every room in this house perfect. I
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I was at besties over the last week helping her organize her home. She's not a hoarder but when she and her hubby married they ended up with a ton of stuff and stuffed it all in the basement and it's been preventing them from remodeling. It was an exhausting job - and that is with someone who wanted it to happen. Trying to change your mom's house? Is just setting you up for failure because she doesn't want it changed. It's her environment.

Hoarder houses are a nightmare for fire folks because they are death traps for both the hoarder and the firefighters. Your aunt is lucky she was able to get out. But it doesn't have to be all doom and gloom if you work with what you have, rather than what you want.

Instead of trying for a perfect house, how about a house the fire crews can get into? Can you clear a path from one room to the other? Mom may actually allow some of her stuff to be tossed if safety is the goal rather than "clean" or "perfect" or what not and this is a perfect time to introduce the idea because the reality of fire is fresh in her mind.
 
@littleoc I came here to look for your diary not knowing the latest; I am sorry for your aunt (& you) and am glad everyone is ok. :hug:

I just meant to say, I always knew hoarding was thought to be related to grief and loss, but I just saw something not long ago, that said researchers now have identified that giving up the things hoarded, registers in on one's brain as loss of their identity (i.e. they think they've identified that it correlates to the exact same area, that it shows the identical activity in the same location in the brain as other circumstances that relate to losing one's identity, when the person who is hoarding's items are removed or they remove them themself).

Hugs to you. :hug:
 
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Oh, no, @Freida; I haven’t been able to put up pictures yet but my mom’s house is currently incredibly safe. Only dangerous room left is upstairs thanks to Scottie’s help everywhere else. Bless that man

It’s definitely related to my mom being unable to let go of some things, but same. Right now the issue is that things are getting cluttered again and I can’t seem to control it.

My therapist tells me that my ADHD, which I’ve ignored in favor of treating more “serious” illnesses and disorders, is what’s making me so cluttered.

That and i don’t know where to put anything still. I’ve still got too much clutter for that. Also, I’ve never had a house before so I’m still not sure what I’m doing.

Yeah, I’m extremely glad my aunts lived. Pretty impressive — firefighters said the flames were 25 feet in the air. Not surprising
 

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