Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

It feels like all my animals are going to recover from this, but that I don't have a future

I'll get through this but there will be nothing else but stress and struggle forever

 

[Teasel]

Understand it feeling that way littleoc
Change happens even when we can't forsee it.
Big hug

 

[Teasel]

Change happens even when we can't forsee it.

P.S. I realise this is prolly zero f*cking comfort

 

[littleoc]

Not zero

Hoping this is all this a blessing

 

[Freida]

Maybe not a blessing but a new/different start? Maybe littleoc 2.0 is hiding in there somewhere? Just a thought.

 

[littleoc]

Visiting the hospital (routine thing, am fine) and in tears because (a) I wanted to work as a doctor or something here and now it feels beyond impossible and (b) one of the medical assistants and nurses complimented my shirt, and I looked down at it to see what I was wearing and saw all the little holes in it from my pet bird biting every shirt I own. I won't have any pets anymore, have to give her away

They asked me if my home was safe and I just said it's something I'm working on and I'll be in the mental hospital soon to figure that part out later so let's not bother discussing

 

[littleoc]

Don't have to euthanize the bird thanks to the community finding someone to save her. Very thankful. But still very hard

 

[littleoc]

This is the hospital I plan to stay in after I finish losing everything, so I guess it just feels more real here right now. Very upsetting

I forgive my father of course because it's not worth my sanity and health being mad at him forever. But I am still shocked his abuse has caused all of this. It shouldn't have

 

[littleoc]

It is shocking what I've had to go through. other people my age who went to the same school as me but had backgrounds my dad wasn't in have done amazing things. I feel so much grief for what my life is supposed to be

And who was supposed to be in it. Even my mom's health would not have been nearly as dire if my dad hadn't been in her life. It is shocking