Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Movingforward10]

I'm sorry @littleoc

 

[littleoc]

Ok. Scheduling my bird's departure. Had her for 20 years. Keep thinking about that. Dreading how saying goodbye will feel. Hope she quickly becomes excited for her new routines and opportunities

 

[littleoc]

Managed to pack a little bit. Very stressful

 

[littleoc]

Jewish New Year happened. Feels like I should have done this before that holiday but it's fine , doesn't truly matter

 

[littleoc]

I keep panicking and crying. This has to end some time

 

[littleoc]

Need to pull it together for work tomorrow but otherwise I'm sure it's normal

 

[ms spock]

I keep panicking and crying. This has to end some time

I am with you with the panic and crying @littleoc.

Need to pull it together for work tomorrow but otherwise I'm sure it's normal

It is indeed normal to cry and grieve for all the losses that you have sustained with your furry and feathered family.

And there's a whole lot of other things that have happened along with that.

 

[Movingforward10]

Saying goodbye after 20 years is a massive thing to go through, on top of everything else.
Can you go visit her where she is going or get updates about how she is?

 

[littleoc]

Saying goodbye after 20 years is a massive thing to go through, on top of everything else.
Can you go visit her where she is going or get updates about how she is?

I can get updates, most likely, though I've noticed the new owner is (so far) not much of a texter. (She's also a mom to a young girl (human) and a dog and a cat I believe, along with two male younger cockatiels, and is maybe a business owner, so likely just very busy and not one to focus on texts.) I will likely be able to leave voice memos or short videos.

I may be able to visit one day. I will ask after a while, when time has passed. Waiting on asking to visit cats I've re-homed as well. She is afraid of having people over if her husband isn't home, so would likely need to schedule accordingly if she were comfortable with me visiting at all. We'll see

Her other two birds are also rescues so I think it's a good fit

 

[littleoc]

Keep freezing with anxiety and not packing. Need help but person who can help never is able to. I have to work through pain and exhaustion and stay up days straight to get shit done around this house over the years because of it but they can't help when tired. Don't want to bring it up because it's mean, unfair, not their problem. Don't know why I'm even mad. I wish my brain wouldn't do this. Not going to show it as always. But so overwhelmed

 

[littleoc]

I really can't keep living. It can get worse and it will

 

[littleoc]

I'm so disappointed in myself. I viewed myself as someone like Lion, not some idiot who's going to die from all this. I won't be remembered or loved like that, ever, and it's my fault because I can't just go through trauma and have it stop. It has to be ongoing for 30 years and nothing I do will stop it

Just trying so hard to be quiet and a good person about it, not make things worse through myself, but the grief is so intense and the anger of it is making me feel even more ashamed