Combat vs. Civilian Life

[Nicolette]

I just wish I had someone that would stand behind me other than my mother and my son.

Jimmy you know that Anthony and I already stand behind you as a friend. I think if you focus on your healing the right person will be attracted to you....If I be totally honest and look back at my past relationships they reflected where I was eg....if I was struggling with myself I ended up in a relationship with someone who was struggling with themselves who was not really totally available for a relationship and I probably wasn't either. It was when I decided that I no longer 'needed' the support and could do it on my own and actually believed it, believed I deserved better and was not just going to have a relationship for the sake of having one then things changed for me.

Also, remember that you do have two people standing behind and beside you. My family offers me no support and that has made me feel alone when talking to people who have a supportive family. It may not be the support you are craving but it is a start so treasure what you have, work on healing yourself and you will find your world will open up for you if you keep believing.

 

[Jimmy1]

Thanks to both you Nicolette and Inouk for the the kind words. Yes, its a long and winding road, but I will get there.

And yes Inouk, I did stop yelling about three years ago. Don't worry, I still get angry and wound up, but yelling defeats the purpose and just hurts other people's ears.

Jimmy

 

[Jimmy1]

QDAAussie aka Jimmy,

I like you. You are there for all of us (even though you intimidated one carer so we are kind of quiet).

Hugs - Inouk.

Sorry, but who did I intimidate???

 

[Nicolette]

Interestingly enough....posted on the PTSD Forum by Clyde, I read his post today and he said that yelling is actually easier to process than when a Sufferer isolates for a Carer. If someone yells at you they are still participating and being involved in the relationship. Isolating yourself as a Sufferer in turns isolates us as Carers and makes us feel very alone. So please don't go to the other spectrum....find the balance of talking when you can and that's how a relationship can become a good one. The middle road.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hmmmm, frustrating trying to explain.

What I meant by not yelling is that I don't yell and get angry when I have no control over a situation.

I used to yell just because I was having a bad day and was frustrated with something I had no control of.

And as you know with children, they just close down when yelled at. As I am a single Dad, its just me and him. So yelling achieves nothing.

He does know when I angry with him though.

 

[Nicolette]

Oh sorry Jimmy.... I didn't mean it in terms of your son but I get your point. I was more referring to the difference of not speaking and shutting yourself out to yelling. At least with yelling we as Carers sort of get the gist of what is wrong when isolating and not knowing why it is hard to take it as anything other than personal.

 

[Inouk]

He he - I get both of your points and yes Nicolette, I much rather Rick express his frustrations versus going into his fortress bubble...

Jimmy: I was refering to Resilience. I think you were a bit surprise to see a carer come forward... until Anthony cleared things up. No worries. Did not stop me to jump in and share what I am going through. Does not stop any of you to vent and speak up your mind. I like it. It helps. If people do not like it they can leave.

Hugs

 

[Wagg]

Yeah, there was a few things in that movie that I had related to. The first time I saw it, there was a few times a chuckled, and a few times I tensed up. Each because it had captured certain things that I could relate to. Then there is parts of the story that is just unbelievably stupid and "hollywooded".

 

[Raven]

I didn't see The Hurt Locker. I tend to avoid movies like that. However, I found it refreshing (rather than aggravating or confusing) that after getting home, all I had to worry about was which pair of jeans fit me better, what paper topic I should choose in my courses (I had started going to college very shortly after my return), which jacket to wear, what gifts to buy people for their birthdays... I was relieved that I no longer needed to make crucial, life-or-death decisions. And it did not make me yearn for the tension again

 

[Jimmy1]

Your right Raven, it's great not having to make those decisions, or decisions where you don't know which way it's going to go, however, most of the time in a warzone everything is either black or white. Back here in the so called normal world there are so many grey areas we have to go through just to survive. That is why a lot of veterans want to go back. Over there our fellow soldiers do bitch, about the food, about lack of sleep, about how many patrols they have done, and about how long it is till they get home, but they are all a given, everyone does it.
Back home though, people whine about what people are wearing, about the little pot hole in the road, about the neighbors sprinklers being left on, etc, etc, and it's all the time. I could go on and on, but I think I had better leave it.

I suppose that is why I have my man cave and my head phones and why I can't wait to move to acreage so I can have my chickens, my vegetable garden, my fruit trees and not have to deal with the idiots speeding up and down the street and the dogs barking endlessly.

 

[Raven]

Yeah, it annoys me as well when I witness people sweating the small stuff, and getting worked up about things I deem trivial--like getting stuck in a traffic jam or the neighbor's dog barking. But then I stop an think to myself, "If this is the shit people are worrying about, then life is great, right?"

 

[Jimmy1]

Well I hate traffic, and hate the neighbors dog barking, that's why I am moving to acreage as soon as we can. lol.
But I suppose I don't bleat about it to my mates or down the local shopping center.

It looks like our boys and girls will be heading across the border to Syria next, what do you reckon.