Comedy - Welcome To Doctor Doppemhiyer's Clinic! (lol)

[ISupportHer]

A Name For Your Band?

Hey Doc!

More of a suggestion today. Noticed a little less activity with your band lately. Maybe you need to evaluate things like management, advertising, etc. Maybe a name change?

Was looking at local concert listings and there was a band named Thrashing Molly. Weird name but then I though......

Name your band "Thrashing Abusers"! :stupid:
But you'll also want to change the genre of the band to Death Metal.


Hmmm, my anger issues? Used to never want to hurt a fly!

ISH

 

[midi]

Band name: Hurtin' da fly?

 

[JohnnyM53]

Hello, hello again ISH
My #1 Patient!


Thank you for viting to me. Yes, it has been vely quiet at the clinic, and I closed it down for the long veekend, and took Nurse Ratchet to Starbucks...twice...each day.

I considered your suggestion to advertize but as we have recently opened the clinic, we are trying to gauge public response before doing so. But I do encourage anyone you know to write to my on-line clinic for free advice, hopefully followed up by very intensive terapy. (cha-ching-ching…$).

Funny you should mention a band name, as the students have been vondering what they should call the band.

They took your suggestion as well as that of Midi regarding the fly-related names and the students thought that the public would think they were being dissected in terapy, and so did not vant to discourage people from signing up for class.

So they came up vith a name that reflected the group and vill call themselves…..

Medically Evaluated Musicians Orchestra (ME.M.O.)

I hope you like it. You’d fit right in as Head Diva, or Conduct Her as we’d refer to you.

And so, our first public performance will be held in the prestigious Royal Sanitarium Auditorium (CooCoo Lounge) in Arizona next Medday. I hope you and the Mrs. can take in the show. Bring meds if you do; earplugs von’t hurt either.

Sincerely,

Doc DVD MD

 

[midi]

Listen Doc, I know you're busy with directing the symphony an' all, but do you have a minute to spare?

I'm kinda sad right now. I was just looking through old photos from a couple summers ago and came across one of my old pet fly, Sticky. He, um, died unexpectedly on my window sill. I'm not sure what caused it, because the cats were in the other room and the fly swatter was nowhere to be found. Well, I think that maybe he died from either a heart attack (do flies have hearts?) or sun stroke.

Anyway, I don't know how to cheer myself up about this tragedy. I know, I know, a couple summers have past and it's now turning into winter, but you know, I just... miss the little guy.

 

[ISupportHer]

Hey Midi!
:rofl:
That made me laugh out loud. Actually laugh!

Love this thread Johnny!

ISH

 

[JohnnyM53]

Dearest Midi,

Thank you for vriting to me. Please do not feel you are bothering me as the purpose of my on-line clinic is to help people.

First off, please accept my sincere condolences on the sudden and uneggsplained passing of Shhticky, your pet fly.

It must have been quite a shhhock to discover that Shhticky isn’t shhticking anymore, or anywhere any longer.

I met Shhticky once. He came over to my home and ve ended up playing tennis together. Naturally, Shhticky was all over the place and vun the match.

And oh the conversations he and I had! He told me he vuz born if Lahrva, Germany and was a descendant of philosoflyer Frederik Nietzschee-Fly, and naturally, Sticky also had great vision.

You mention feeling sad, and so, grief counseling are part of my services. To help you, I normally recommend to my patients that they obtain a new pet, and call it a name similar to the beloved pet – perhaps Schhticky Too or Schhticky Tape?

Accepting the passing of a loved one is a terrible loss to bear. And a pet is no different. I’m assuming you did not get an autopsfly performedto determine the cause of death, so it is hard to speculate. But, biologically, flies are harmless but heartless.

Perhaps because sun exposure, drafts, etc., can contribute to Sudden Fly Death Syndrome, I vould recommend establishing a no-fly zone near vindows.

Should buying a new pet (assuming vun of Shhticky’s siblings or off springs are not around), I vould recommend, if the sadness does not lift, that you come in and I vill prescribe meggsdication for you.

Good luck Midi,

Sincerely

Doc DVD MD

Bcc. Nurse Ractchet – vun down, 9,999,998 to go. Good vun!

 

[midi]

Oh, *sniff* I knew he was good at dancing, but tennis? He was way more talented than I gave him credit for! I knew it, I took him for granted, didn't I???

Yes.

I'm afraid that I can't ever get another fly unless he were a little bit um, lasting? Do you recommend a dragonfly or would that hurt the memory of Sticky?

 

[JohnnyM53]

Ya poor "Tickeey" as I teased him. He was good at tennis. A great racket and a lot of balls.

I'd morph ahead and go straight to a butterfly...symbolizing Sticky's transformation to the Great Hunting Ground in your city....the Holy Dump.

Regards,

Doc

 

[ISupportHer]

It's Not All About ME All The Time

Her Doc,

I got a problem!

Well, my WIFE has a problem!

OK, ya got me. I have "a" problem too but we'll get to that another time. and another time. and another time. And.....................

So, back to why I'm here.

I've read a lot and learned a lot about PTSD. One of the problems is this "hpervigilence" thing. The always being over alert. Like you see her with eyes wide open. Like a beautiful woman, but with Marty Feldman eyes, not Bette Davis eyes. :eek:

Doc, she can't take a shower because the soap will sting her eyes! :rofl:

So, what about this hypervigilence?

Hell, what about the smell? :dontknow: She noticed the little self stick room deoderizer I stuck on her butt and took it off!


ISH

 

[JohnnyM53]

Dear ISH

It's been while.

Ahh yes. Hyper-vigilance...or deer-in-headlights mode as we call it up at the medical hunting camp. Deers sing about it when one dies on the road: STAREway to heaven.

Well, there is medication to lessen the intensity of hyper-vigilance, but it is currently illegal to prescribe. Perhaps see the guy outside your neighborhood corner store has some...One toke over the line sweet Jesus...

I vould recommend that she consider buying goggles, a snorkel mask (vit vindshield vipers) or that she at least vashes her body in the shower and you could do her hair while she stairs at the ceiling.

If that doesn't work, considering she doesn't vash, I vould recommend that Schtinky consult another physican...peee-uuuu.

Hope it helps you both.

Doc DVD MD PSY

 

[JohnnyM53]

Grand Opening Celebration of Dr. Doppemhiyer's On-Line Clinic

Doctor Derek von Doppemhiyer (dope-em-higher), or Doc DVD has he likes to be called, is pleased to announce the Grand and Official Opening of his on-line clinic.

Docr DVD is a trained psychiatrist and psychoanalyst specializing in Musical Therapy for Hopeless (but not dopeless) Cases. He was born in Twitzerland, but also lived in Hungary and Germany, and was influenced by its cultures, as is evident from his pronounced accent.

This special invitation invites you, as a Forum member, to write to Doc DVD with your questions concerning psychiatric and/or psychological disorders, conditions, concerns and problems; relationship, stress, anger management, and sexual or addictions issues, etc.

A nominal fee is usually charged to your credit card for his services.

Doc DVD: "It gives me great pressure...err pleasure to velcum all Forum members to contact me vit any questions they have and I vill be more than hippy to respond to them. I hope I can make a difference in your life using the Dopping-you-higher technique."

We are also very pleased to announce the Patient of the Month Award.

The Award for the month of October goes to: Mr. ISH.

Mr. ISH has demonstrated that he not only is a deeply disturbed..err. caring and devoted husband and carer, but that he has sheetload of problems that makes PTSD sufferers actually look normal.

Mr. ISH has greatly has made significant contributons to the drug industry, as is evident by the prescriptions given to him, as well as to the banking industry, as is evident by the number of car payments Doc DVD was able to make in October.

Further, Mr. ISH believes that he has anger issues and that he also has a "big" problem.

As a result of seeing Doc DVD, both conditions were successfully treated. Although his wife is angry that he doesn't really have a big one, she does admit that their PTSD foreplay does result in hyper-arousal.

The Grand Opening ceremony will be held in the PTSD Auditorium on November 25 and for you enjoyment the movie Flashback starring Jennifer Beal and Nick Nourry will be shown. Oh What A Feeling you'll get dancing in the aisles like a Maniac.

So please submit your letters to Doc Doppemhier and he will try his best to answer your questions.

Sin-fully-cerely
Nurse Ratchet
Head Nurse and
Supervisor - Starbucks Coffee and MUFFin House

 

[ISupportHer]

"i'd Like To Thank......"

I am working on my "acceptance" speech.

Or maybe I should say I will somehow come to accept this.

Or maybe I should say, "Hey Doc, could you tell me what kind of car you drive?" Just so I can be on the look out for it, he, he! :stupid:

:rofl:

ISH