Coming Out of Very Strong Denial - PTSD From a Lifetime of Traumas

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Hi Barbara,
The other day, she was in a large retail store and there was a problem with the cash register accepting the debit card. The manager was called over and he was loud, abrasive and bullying to the cashiers and my wife. My wife looked at him, gave him a palms down signal with both hands and stopped him in his tracks. He asked her what that meant and she told him in a soft voice, "Your tone." He replied meekly, "Oh. My wife tells me that all the time." He was then apologetic and changed his demeanor. My wife handled the situation in an assertive manner and defused the manager in a non-threatening manner.

I recall a similar example in the opening of Daniel Goleman's book "Social Intelligence." I will not post it here, but would recommend opening the book next time you're at the store. What I remember... correct me if I'm wrong... it was a story of a commander in Iraq who faced an angry and armed mob, but did not speak their language. He commanded his troops to take a knee, point their guns at the ground, and smile. This gesture diffused the angry mob and they walked away.

I also used to believe there was a sign on my back. 2 months ago I had grown to feel that the world just wanted to torture me. I suppose these beliefs were an improvement from blaming myself every single time someone mistreated me, and responding by trying to win them over. I have also received criticism for not being assertive enough, though that is beginning to change.