Conditioned Fear Of Sleep

[BloomInWinter]

For the first time in my life, I am getting better sleep. Not great, as my hubby refuses to come to bed until after 1:00 a.m., always waking me up. I'm working on that one.

For the first several years in therapy, it would really tick me off whenever my therapist would press me on how much I sleep, the quality of it, the details of my sleep hygiene routine. I didn't want to discuss it. The topic made me angry and resentful.

I refused medications as I was terrified of becoming addicted because I'm a recovering alcoholic. I started drinking heavily in middle school as an attempt to self-medicate the hyper-vigilance and overwhelming fear symptoms living with my abusive father.

Finally, a psychologist friend helped me learn that it was unlikely I was going to be able to train my brain to sleep fitfully without help in the form of EMDR, CBT, meditation, good sleep routine, and medications for awhile.

I also learned that my therapist kept making me discuss my sleep every session because I had a conditioned fear of sleeping. I just thought I was a weakling. Or that my fears were stupid. I projected those fears onto my therapist in the form of anger and resentment. But what he was really doing was long term exposure therapy to help me learn how to deal with sleep issues.

The more traumas I have put down with EMDR, the less my past shows up in my dreams. When I do have nightmares, I am better equipped to deal with them. I comfort myself, ground myself in the present, meditate, and can more easily fall asleep.

I tried to go off of my sleep meds but I wasn't sleeping again for a few weeks and my blood-work got all off so I am doctor-ordered to continue sleep meds for at least a few more months. I'm hoping that I'll be able to finally get off of them after that.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm glad to hear that EMDR has helped improve your sleep. My therapist won't do it with me because I still don't ground well and dissociate. I read a few posts where they felt worse after it than before. I'm also a recovering alcoholic and I tried to not take meds, but I just couldn't sleep. I've been on the same dose of meds for 12 years. Sometimes I try to wean off, but then I'm awake all night. It's hard to agree to potentially addictive treatments. I've done well with them except one period of time where I was triggered over and over and over. I needed to SLEEP. Just want to support you and I hope you can settle up things in your body.

 

[Friday]

It very much depends on the types of meds involved... As to what's safe, if anything... But one thing I've done is to substitute when kicking. The risk is 2 addictions instead of 1. The benefit is not fighting as hard / a much easier transition. So I'll still be kicking Med 1 & feel like the dogs vomit, but Med 2 is taking care of my sleep (or whatever symptom). After kick from Med 1 is over, I taper off Med 2. Since I don't have a history with Med2, there's usually no kick, and the symptom it was holding aside from the kick? Has had a few weeks to adjust to happening/not happening without its old snuggle buddy. Gentles both the physiological kick & the psychological one.

 

[Deleted member 33290]

I'm sorry you've all been having these problems. If I could I would send you all good sleep and nice dreams.

I also have issues with sleep & medication. My sleep's affected by both fear of sleep, nightmares, other weird dreams and anxious whirring thoughts. I was too scared initially to take sleep medication that was recommended by my doctor. I also can't take anxiety meds as when I took one tablet I reacted so badly and ended up hospital.

I still have massive struggles with sleep but it's getting better. What I do is have a pre-bedtime routine that takes about an hour and involves washing, brushing teeth and hair, making and drinking peppermint tea, spraying my pillow with lavender spray, reading a non-stressful novel, relaxation and breathing exercises all done in the right order. I also avoid anything stressful for several hours beforehand. This all helps me get to sleep but doesn't stop me waking up. But it's still something.

When it gets really bad - as it is at the moment - I take sleeping tablets but in a way which limits the risk of reliance/addiction. I don't look after them myself. A member of my family looks after them and I don't know where they keep them so I can't be tempted to take them any time I can't sleep. And I only take them for three nights in a row to try and recover a bit and get back on track.