Confession: Every now and then I feel a little jealous of those with greater support.

[Justmehere]

Do you ever feel jealous of someone else who has a lot of safe support?

It’s not often I feel this, only once in a blue moon.... but I have felt it lately. It’s not helpful. I’m trying to reframe it as yeah, I should examine any changes I can make to bring more of xyz into my life because that would be cool...

But I realized today, I’m a little angry/jealous too. It feels gross. Yeah, yeah, I know that I don’t really know they have it better.

Anyone else?

 

[Kubash16]

Oh ya. Really bad. It actually drove me into therapy, so overall was a good thing.

 

[Justmehere]

That’s really cool that something good came of it! Feels terrible, doesn’t it? Anything helped you to reframe it or work it through?

Getting out of my own head and off social media is helping me recenter.

 

[Kubash16]

I needed to get out of my own head too. I kept comparing and I still struggle with it, but trying to recognize that maybe the world is changing to be more understanding when a person needs help and acting faster helps a little.

 

[digger]

Yep. I don't like when that feeling hits, but it does from time to time. And I am also genuinely happy for people when they have and get the support that they need, but it can still hurt like f*ck too when I consistently fail on that score.

 

[Friday]

Yep.

I’m not jealous by nature, so when it hits it’s like having my first panic attack in a year, instead of my 5th one today :meh: (BIG bad bada boom! That wipes me the f*ck out, instead of minutes or moments that I can adapt and adjust to on the fly & barely be slowed down by).

:sneaky: Upside? Because they’re rare, I can tick them off on my fingers, but they are all support-related, interestingly enough.

- People who have their own place
- People who have jobs / income / insurance
- People who can afford to have surgery (especially because I ALMOST got to have all 3 of mine done in 2011. f*ck. 8 years later, and not even 1 done, nor likely to be in the foreseeable future. Okay, skipping to the next one before I start mooning about in oh so sexy self pity and self loathing).

... Nope. Damn. Got sucked into that one :shifty: There are 2 others. But they’re being obscured by my unintentional decision to wallow. (Yo! Self! Go wallow in massages or marshmallows or beautiful men, or something. Stop picking gross things to roll. around. in. like. a. dog. :facepalm: )

I can’t even imagine anymore how much better my life would/could be with those stabilizing basics to build a foundation on. The sheer level of support is... SMH. Hard to even wrap my head around, anymore. I can remember -sometimes- but it’s hard to imagine what could be, when it’s been so long.

Ditto Digz... For the most part I am genuinely happy for people who have those things... even when I am eyeballs deep in despair, sometimes even especially when eyeballs deep, good news is just soooooo nice / something to revel in. (Bring me your good news! Sing me songs of glory! Hell YES!) So when jealousy slinks in? It’s like being kicked in the gut. It’s bad enough that I don’t have it, but now I can’t even have vicarious happiness? WTFO???

 

[Gs172003]

This site is the only support I have. My "new" family is way too new to even try to understand but they try. My "old" family doesn't care. No friends. My coworkers just let me be. My husband tries but just flat out isn't capable.
So.....

Yeah. I do. Especially when family members support each OTHER but not me.

 

[Ronin]

I play bingo with things in the wind. Winner Eevery Time :whistling:

Shoulda be a drinking game, but that would be being trashed too fast.

Trying to work at skills I need to work at, because pissing myself off with disability whining is something I can do something about. None family/dead family/family so far f*cking out and many other things are not.

Health is a joke but hell. Whenever I can force myself to function, I do. The everything else I need would require bootlicking with people Im really not up to for how even trying for it guts me, so yeah, no.

How I come at it? Four limbs. Whole organs. Still a win. :D The rest is just semi bullshit time & seeing things differently will sort out.

 

[Deanna]

I have this site and a boyfriend that is PTSD. My family are mostly dead. All died pretty early. Of course, I have cousins and all that jazz but really don't get together. I do have a job. I'm lucky in a way with a place to.live, a car to drive and counseling. I like this site although I haven't started a trauma diary. Mine is so tangled and complicated. Mostly neglected from a schizophrenic who beat the shit out of us. Dad did too. I'll start it eventually. I have a daughter but she's messed up as well pretty bad.( didnt grow up with me) we see each other now and then but to answer your question. I do get a lil' jealous when I see a big support system.. But on the other hand, it would drive me crazy.

 

[HealingMama]

Yes and no. Yes because having a warm blanket of safe people would be amazing.

No because I'm an introvert and the thought of maintaining a whole network of people sounds exhausting.

 

[Tinyflame]

Idk, I don't feel jealous as much as envious, and lesser of myself. I see connection as being more important than transitory things, and support in general makes life more bearable. (For example just dealt with awful neighbour today, of which there are 2 really. I don't think they'd get away with it if not alone/ women.) I also think people who say it's the same with or without resources, have never dealt with or forgotten it is not. Whether those resources are financial, or people, protection.

I don't see this:

I should examine any changes I can make to bring more of xyz into my life

as possible for me any more. So I try not to think about it or it makes me wish for the end quicker.

I am also genuinely happy for people when they have and get the support that they need, but it can still hurt like f*ck too when I consistently fail on that score.

For me also. ^^

I think it does produce more options, like @Ronin and @Friday said, can have surgery, self care, etc. But there's always people with more, and people with less.


Sometimes I just think F it , and walk away. I either do, or turn away from that which brings me those reminders, the contrast.

 

[scout86]

Yes. And when I do, I go from there to wondering what I'm doing wrong, and then to what's wrong with me.... You realize if we all lived in or near Shimmerzville, this wouldn't be a problem? I wish we could do something about that.