Confused About Possible Ptsd, Any Insight?

[scholarWU]

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum so I'll apologize ahead of time if my post doesn't match the norm.

Anyhow, to make a long story short, about 5 years ago I was stabbed in the abdomen requiring emergency surgery to stop internal bleeding. This all occurred at a camp ground with another group of campers as I was trying to drag my friend away from a group of guys who were maliciously beating him. Around 5 or so minutes after it happened I felt an itch in my stomach, looked down, and saw blood pouring out of my stomach. I literally had no idea what had happened to me until another friend of mine (a lifeguard) took one look at the wound and told me to lie down while he clotted the wound with t-shirts. Upon EMS's arrival, I was transported to the nearest hospital to get an CT scan which informed the doctors on scene that I needed to go to better equipped hospital as the damage was too extensive for them to deal with. I was transported to a better equipped hospital and eventually to the OR where I received a laparotomy. I was conscious throughout this entire ordeal until the anaesthetic kicked in.

This brings me to where I'm at now. The friends I was camping with were a pretty bad sort, but good friends none the less and they had been a part of my life since childhood. Since my stabbing I figured it was a good idea to distance myself from them and re think my life. I'm attending university and hope to go to law school and I feel that I'm in a much better place now then where I was before. That being said, after I was stabbed I can't help but feel like I am some sort of delinquent, as if my past still continues to influence my present. I know these thoughts aren't the way I should rationally view myself, but it's hard to be rational when personal emotions are involved. I have no criminal record, and haven't been involved in any sort of serious crime other then a few consensual fights but the fact that I have been stabbed often makes me feel like a genuine criminal. Logically, I know I'm not one but that isn't the way I feel. Does anyone have any insight on how I can let these feelings go and move on with my life? Secondly, are these thoughts and feelings indicative of PTSD? I've never had any of the more common symptoms (e.g. flashbacks), however I'm quite aware every diagnosis is different, and as such, so are the symptoms. This is the first time I've addressed these concerns with anybody, so any suggestions or insight would be very much appreciated!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi,
Based on your post, you seem to have an event which would qualify you for PTSD (being stabbed), but you don't mention any of the other criterion which are necessary for a diagnosis. I urge you to seek out a therapist who can help you move forward and determine if you fall under any sort of specific diagnosis. Based on what you've said, I think that CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) may help you. It is a type of therapy which helps one to tackle negative thoughts. I have found it to be very beneficial. I wish you the best.

 

[Barberian]

I strongly suggest going to a therapist. He or she will be able to determine if you have PTSD or any other condition, and be able to help you work through it. It is not a good idea, nor accurate to self determine mental health conditions. It is a lot like a drunk trying to determine if they are safe to drive. Ones own perspective on themselves and their condition(s) may be impaired.

Best of luck on your recovery.

 

[Springer80]

It sounds to me like your ashamed.

People judge others who get caught up in violence. It's reported in quite a salacious way in the media, like sport or entertainment and it always happens to 'other' people. It's voyeuristic.

So essentially, you where protecting your friend but you sound guilty. Guilty about the type of people your friends were. Guilty that they got into a fight. Like you said your not a criminal but you were hanging around with some people that blurred the edges of what you were comfortable with.

People aren't whiter than white. Everyone has a past. Scratch the surface and most people have something in their background they don't like. Christ, even my mum got charged with leaving the scene of an accident, which she is mortified about to this day. What happened? She tapped the bumper of a vehicle, reversing out of a space after she'd picked up some milk. She was doing about 5 mph. Some busybody reported her and wham, criminal record. Technically of course she was in the wrong. If you try and tease her about it, she bursts into tears because she has a criminal record.

You are training to be a lawyer, don't you think other people who take the decision to work in the sector of law enforcement will have done so for personal reasons? Perhaps a brother was a drug dealer and ruined a family or their dad beat their mum, so they become a cop to protect people.

I don't know if you have PTSD but in terms of physiological symptoms you haven't really mentioned any, other than the fact you are carry a burden of a self perception that isn't accurate. Your putting a very high standard on yourself. I definitely think it's worth talking to a counsellor though, as hanging onto this mind set long term won't do you any good.

Good luck with uni by the way and good for you for securing your place.

 

[Springer80]

delinquent

Sorry I couldn't help noticing this word again. My granddad is a lay Methodist preacher and likes the sound of passing his own punitive opinions about any or all areas of society. He uses the word delinquent. It's from a time in the 1950's when working class boys with dead end jobs and aggression problems were hurded up into borstals and put through military style training.

I think it's interesting you used that word because it implies inherent defect. Are you sure you never felt like this before the stabbing?