Confused And Worried

[amanda winter]

My husband has PTSD and TBI from going to Iraq. And I am really trying to be understanding and patient. But I am also confused. He keeps on going back in forth from being happy and caring to complete emtional numbing. When the numbing happens he ends up saying he doesn't know what he wants out of life and he doesn't know if he even wants to be married. Now I know that through his pysch that he always wants to give our marriage up first because he expects to lose everything anyway. How do I help him with this? I am really trying but I am running out of options. Now it is too the point that he blames all of it on me. And I was trying to find out what kind of things that may cause this? Am I really the one triggering the emotional numbing and not being aware of it?

 

[Jimmy1]

I almost had to have a giggle, there is a movie (Tankgirl).
Welcome to the forum, read the posts under the 'Articles Section' and it will give you a bit more of an understanding.
Here are the links

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Jimmy

 

[Brian Jones]

God bless you girl! A lot of us don't believe we can have anything good and when we are blessed by something good it is just a matter of time before WE do something to screw it up and lose it. I have been dealing with all of this for over 20 years and still look at life this way, at least most of the time. I think it simply helps me deal when life goes south. Thankfully I have a wife that is very in my face when I hit my numb periods. Shes not yelling or anything like that but she gets me busy, or tries to lift my mood. It tends to be pretty easy when she points out something dumb one of the 4 kids of ours is doing. But sometime it just takes time for me away from the world, computer games or reading also help me break the numbness.

 

[Sarg]

Tankwife, try the VA or Vet Center. One of them (sorry, can't remember which) has classes for wives of PTSD Vets. Maybe they might know of coping mechanisms that could help ease things.

Many thanks for supporting your Vet.

Sarg

 

[Mockingbird13]

Tank Wife - I am going through the V.A and found a great support group for carers - it helps to know that you are not alone - Hang in there, breathe, take care of yourself, and Welcome

 

[amanda winter]

Thanks everyone. I really am trying to stick with him through all of this, but I wont lie its really hard.

 

[Steph_F]

Good for you! It is really hard, lonely, painful, frustrating and all those yucky emotions...but I bet you can do it! And I bet deep down he's worth it! Hang in there!

 

[Sarg]

Thanks for supporting your Vet, Tankwife. My only and lowly advice is to talk it out as much as possible.

Good luck!

Sarg

 

[amanda winter]

Sarg, It can be very hard to talk when he shuts himself completely down and doesn't want to talk about anything. Its like right now he is at work and saying how he is completely numb from all his emotions. Like he doesn't even care what happens no matter what it is. How do I respond to that? How do I help him overcome the numbness?

 

[Jimmy1]

It sounds hard but its the nature of the beast. How long has he been going to a therapist or psych??
How long has he been on his medication??

Emotional numbness may be pretty hard on you, in fact I would probably say its almost unbearable on you, but just to let you know, its no fun for us either. To give you an example, I had not long finished a PTSD program, then had shoulder surgery, then had bowel surgery when my father died. I was so emotionally numb at the time, that I felt no real emotion. I was sad for about 5 min. Its really hard on us too. We can feel emotion sometimes, but just can't display it.

All you can do is be there. I know its hard, and I have said it before, partners/supporters/carers of veterans with PTSD have to really thick skin, for the times we go into shit down and the times we say hurtful things because we are hurting. We don't mean it, but it just happens.

I hope he is taking medication and getting psych help. If he is, these times will eventually change and become less frequent and you will begin to see signs of happiness within him again.

Hope it has helped.

Jimmy

 

[MurphyJB]

Hey tankwife.

I would suggest not talking to him about all your emotions...especially the negative ones.
A friend, or relative would be better. (or this forum)


Hang in there.

 

[amanda winter]

He is on meds and when he started the new ones last month. He had a major emotional break down. Saying he has all o his emotions just basically hitting him all at once. But now we are back to the numbness. I told him that I personally think he needs to find a new VA pysch because the one he has just realize that for the last almost 2 years he has been down playing his symptoms. I just started going to all of his appts to make sure she was told. And it took me suggesting ambilify last month for him to be switched to it. Because the meds he was on were not working. I really want to believe that things we eventually get better. I truly do.