Confused.

[CaitMiller]

It seems as though we have lived the same childhood with the same mother.
I'm sorry for what she has...

@BlueDream from what you said it sounds like our Mothers may just be twins! :D I am sorry you had/have to deal with that. And thank you so much for your friendliness and advice. That is the biggest problem, like you said, I forget who my Mother truly is and the things she's done, so this perfect Mother fantasy/longing keeps drawing me back to her. Hoping that maybe today she'll listen or maybe this time she'll care. When in reality it's always going to be about her. And like you said I too have set boundaries during arguments, I stick with them for a while, but then begin contact again when I miss the idea of her. It's weird, I hate that you understand what I mean, but it's nice to know someone else gets it- to be reassured that I'm not just making this up in my head.

 

[CaitMiller]

Wow... You have a lot on your plate. First I would like to give you a hug if you except. :hug:

I can u...

@Mytime I thank you SO much for your very helpful and optimistic response. I truly appreciate it and I accept your hug! Thank you ^_^
I have told my Mom how I truly felt about everything, in a calm manner, and she called me a "lying bitch" among other things. I think I may do what you said though, type up a letter, whether I choose to give that to her or not. At least I'll see my thoughts organized on paper rather than jumbled up in my head. And hopefully, like you said, rather than having my emotions turn to depression one day I can do something more productive, like life weights, etc. Luckily, I am in therapy with two wonderful women. One works on the emotions I deal with today and one does EDMR to help with the PTSD. Both have helped greatly. I guess it's just one of those seasons right now. Hopefully one of them can assist me in cutting my Mom off for good...or at least limiting communication. Anyhoos, I'm blabbing. Thank you so much, I hope all is well for you. I am glad to hear therapy has improved your life as well :) Thank you again for taking the time out to help me! :)

 

[CaitMiller]

Im going to write a little bit of my own experience, I hope you dont mind. Im just another p...

@lostforgottensoul thank you so much for sharing, truly! Don't ever apologize for sharing your truth, especially if it inspires others! I am so sorry you had to go through that, but I'm so happy and proud of you for getting through it! You conquered the difficulties of enduring pain alone and that's a true accomplishment. I would like to one day say I have accomplished the same goals, I am getting in my own way though. I make excuses for my Mother...she was a single parent, she tries to be friendly despite her denial and narcissism. Or I come up with reasons as to why I'm just being dramatic, I treat myself like I'm crazy and forgive because that's how I'm used to being treated- like I'm crazy. I think you may understand what I'm saying. This is definitely not an excuse, but I'm just trying to figure out how to stop battling myself- with self doubt- before I can make any permanent decisions. I hope that makes sense. I believe that one day, like you, I'll be out of stories and complaints about my family to discuss in therapy and finally just focus on me, the real me.