Confusing Session, has anyone experienced this?

LeiaFlower

Confident
I don’t know if anyone else experienced this but my therapist wants to take break from sessions with me. She wants me to see a new therapist for a while then come back. I’m starting EMDR with a new therapist, I mentioned this and she wants this therapist to see me for counseling as well. However, that isn’t the reason she wants me to start with someone new.

A while back I had a series of nightmares involving my therapist molesting me. The session before she dropped the news on me I was finally able to tell her. During the session I was more scared of her blaming me and thinking I was disgusting for thinking something like that. Though that wasn’t her reaction, it sort of was lackluster. I don’t know what I expected yet, wrote an in depth post about this. She mentioned taking the next session to process the nightmare more, which I was okay about because I thought she’ll have some tips or something ready for and by doing so my previous numbness will start to go away.

Yet, after the usual week intake she mentioned that it’ll be best for me to not see her. She said it isn’t forever and this wasn’t termination. She says that since it last session I appeared scared of her that she thinks it’s best if I take a break from her and see another therapist. At first I did cry, (not in her face. I ended the session early so I can sit at a park to cry) because it felt like a punishment for finally telling her my nightmares. Instead of the disgust I was being punished by no longer having a therapist. Now I completely agree. Even though I don’t believe I’m afraid of her, I do think the numbness could be a coping mechanism of continuously being on edge. To test the theory it would be beneficial to speak with someone else.

That being said I don’t like how she went about this and it’s still leave me confused and concerned for the future. I don’t like how she said the session was going to be about processing, something I needed but didn’t know how to do, just for her to drop this termination type session on me. She also brought up how the session I seemed afraid of her due to her reaching out to give me something and I was scared to take it. It didn’t make sense how that session was the reason she said I was scared of her. Why wouldn’t I be afraid while having to be in a mindset where I was placed back in the nightmare? The next session I explained this as well as mentioning how I trust her not to hurt me nor am I generally afraid of her. I was simply in a hyper state. But she still insisted. If there was more than just that session I wished she would’ve explained it because it felt like she was coming up with excuses with no evidence just to terminate. This also sucks because she did this literally right after that session. Instead of waiting to see if her concern was accurate. Or even asking for clarification. Regardless, I’m confused. She wants me to try someone else but she says this isn’t termination. She says we could not be a good fit, which now I completely agree with, and mentions that she doesn’t want her to be my only experience.

Now I don’t know. If I don’t like this new EMDR therapist or she only offers those sessions instead of individual counseling then what? I go back to a place where I never know what could happen in session and rather or not my trauma response is going to lead to a non official termination. And is this even a termination? What if I do like the new person then it would be the last session. I don’t even know how to explain this tbh. I’m annoyed and confused. But I do know that I need to let my first therapist go. She’s been trying to get out of this for a while now. Always mentioning after a bad session leading to a trauma response that we’re not good fit.
 

LeiaFlower

Confident
I am not sure if it would help with the negative. And off the top of my head I’m struggling to think of something to counter the negative transference. My inclination is to say talk about it, but I think you already tried that and it seemed to amplify it for you. One thing might be to make a list of all the reasons why your T is a positive influence for you and give examples of ways she demonstrates that.

Maybe some other people have ideas about countering negative transference.
Thank you :)
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
How long should I give her a try? Like how do I know if she’s really going to help me? If she even able to? How do I know we’re a good fit? We keep pairing with games but I really want to work on something.

even with the benefit of 20-20 hindsight, i don't have clear answers to those questions. psychotherapy is a leap of faith and all we can do is roll our dice and take our chances. i figure it's kinda like taking classes in school. even the worst of the classes had something to teach.

i do, however, feel like every single one of those questions are valid therapy discussions. she is the one i would ask.
 
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