Confusion of Anger and Sadness

[No-Twitch-Tabitha]

When I was young, I was a cryer. Extremely sensitive, I would cry at the drop of a hat. Happy, sad, that's what I did. Period. Never really bothered me and others just got used to it.

My mother, however, nipped that in the bud when she started in on her emotional/verbal abuse or "punishment", since she really went after me whenever I had done something to earn her disapproval (after a while, it was just because I was there). Every time I started to cry because I sensed she was mad at me, she would tell me I didn't mean it. Well, after a while, I stopped crying, my emotions invalidated as far as she was concerned.

Now, I can only cry when I'm mad; in fact, my first response when I feel attacked or pissed off is to tear up. If I feel like crying or start to cry for any other reason, I hear her voice telling me that I don't mean it. Bitch.

I tend to keep my feelings under a tight lid until I burst and I now recognize that it just isn't healthy to do that. My other main issue is, I'm just not as tuned into my feelings - I tend to direct everything through my head, so there's a double-whammy. I'd rather think about them than feel them.

I know it's not an easy question, but what can I do to align myself correctly?

 

[becvan]

Hi Tabitha! Nice to meet you.

I just groaned when I read this post. I had a similar experience when I was a child. I used to get a slap across the face and told that "ladies don't cry." The only emotion I was allowed to show was anger! (as if I needed that)

I stopped crying altogether expect for extreme circumstances. Until I hit my twenties. Then I discovered the sad movie. If I needed to cry (and you know when you need to) I would watched the saddest movie I could find. I would make sure that I was all alone (being around others would just make me suppress it) and had plenty of comfort things around me. I've been doing this for years! Now I can cry to movies around select people (although it still makes me uncomfortable.)

Yet, the biggest thing has been talking to my therapist. I don't really cry much, but I'm starting too. Therapy, therapy, therapy. I really think this is our answer. We have to learn new thoughts, beliefs, and practice them for them to work.

I hope this helped some??? Just know, that you are not alone in this emotional vortex!!

Bec