Confusion Of Sexuality.

[Chava]

beginning stages and she did plucking, it fascinated the crap outta me

:) I remember feeling that too! It still fascinates me sometimes (helpful to teach and keep that connection to all the wonder of learning). I'd love to play more just for self-expression, but on a break of sorts...also hard to balance with pain I have. But I think it's very sweet when our true selves resonate with things like this, makes us feel real (I've had other areas where I know it just isn't something I want to follow/study in a practical way, but I just get a little high off of being curious and interested in things...pretty much why I'm not dead yet :dead::whistling:)

 

[Friday]

How about construction? Dead Link Removed

Granted... There are NGOs that will actually pay you, instead of you raising the money to go via donations... but Habitat for Humanity is a very guided/entry level look into that world :) And people/ churches/ businesses / etc. usually feel safe donating to fund a volunteer's trips as it's all done under the Habitat umbrella.

 

[Friday]

Back on topic with sexuality, however... The vast majority of the research I've read shows that most people are somewhere on the bisexual scale. The middle (equally attracted to both men & women), and either end (only men, or only women) tend to have the fewest people on the spectrum. It's a double bell curve / looks like a capital M. Women in particular tend to be a lot more fluid in their sexuality, especially over time.

If you're attracted to women now? If you're like most people (somewhere on the bisexual spectrum)... Prior to trauma you were probably able to be attracted to both, although cultural norms kept you looking towards men... but post trauma there are hangups with men, but not women, & so voila. Meaning as you process your trauma you may well find yourself attracted to men, again. Which side of the M you would be on, though should the attraction to men return? Which you prefer given 2 amazing people where all else is equal? Anyone's guess. You may have a strong preference to men, but still be able to be attracted to women, or you may -now being aware- realize while you like men just fine, have a strong preference for women, or you could be the very rare equally attracted to either.

Sexuality just isn't as black and white as many of us were raised to believe. There's not only a wide spectrum, with most of us somewhere in the middle, but our place on the spectrum is rarely static.

 

[hodge]

Yes, Friday raises a very good point. Most people are along a bell curve of a spectrum. I knew that, but didn't think of it, because I'm on a far side of the spectrum and always have been, regardless of rapes, etc.

And, yeah, as Friday suggested, what about something like Habitat for Humanity? That could be a great way to get out, get skills, build a career . . . also International Refugees Committee, something like that? I don't think I'm gonna rest till I find you a way, girl.

 

[Rumors]

There are, as I recall some Methodist outreach programs down there. Can you possibly save some money, do some research, come to the U.S. and fall in with a Methodist center? Perhaps they could get you hooked up with a community college program. You need to get out of there. You can get a job here depending on where you go. Don't go to the most expensive part of the U.S. to live but someplace where cost of living is decent and the schools are better. Maybe Midwest or the south. California, New York and places like that are out... The expense would eat you alive!!! Are you affiliated with a church there?

 

[hodge]

I think Rumors has some good ideas. The cost of living here in southwestern Minnesota is very reasonable compared to much of the US. And our next-door neighbors are a well-liked lesbian couple from South Carolina to boot!

 

[Deleted member 28862]

Back on topic with sexuality, however... The vast majority of the research I've read shows that m...

It's even more confusing that I had originally thought...I kept my initial attraction for women bottled up for obvious reason's but ever since the trauma it exploded, while the attraction for men fizzled. Sometimes I'd find myself attracted to them if they look like women, so literally only androgynous men I am initially attracted to. After I find out they're a guy....it's like ew lol but I guess I'm leaning more on the female end of the spectrum.

I think Rumors has some good ideas. The cost of living here in southwestern Minnesota is very reasonable co...

haha that gave me a good chuckle, I hadn't thought of these things. I'll look into it more.

 

[hodge]

I found this webpage:

http://www.bahamas.gov.bs/wps/porta...OP9duvDyCzwMwCM!/dl4/d5/L2dBISEvZ0FBIS9nQSEh/

Have you tried emailing this place?

 

[Deleted member 28862]

There are, as I recall some Methodist outreach programs down there. Can you possibly save some money, do...

I don't know about programs like that, I went to a methodist school but the church....the church is basically the opposite of the 10 commandments. See, not to sound rude, but looking at it from the outside it always seems so beautiful. The amount of christian that feel like they're above each other is so incredibly high it's hard to tell which christian is genuine and wants to help someone from which is just a...hypocrite and does the opposite of what a christian does. Like they'll hate gays but are 100% fine with having sex and children before marriage. Majority of churches are not safe havens as you'd think. The young generations are so cold because of the way we're taught. Your supposed to love thy neighbour, but her it's love thy neighbour if thy neighbour gives you sex, money or has big status amoung bahamian people. Anything lower the won't even care for your existence. ..... I don't think I was born in the correct country...

 

[Deleted member 28862]

I found this webpage:

http://www.bahamas.gov.bs/wps/portal/public/Education/Guidance and Counselin...

I actually did, I called to, I just got the run around for 6 months and gave cause that's just how our government is, people literally ALWAYS say "If this was america so and so would never be out of jail, this and that would've been fixed from last week"

 

[hodge]

Oh, cr*p. I figured you had tried there, but just thought I'd throw it out just in case.

 

[Jnean]

I am so sorry for what you have been through. If we are using labels, I am a Christian lesbian which really just means to me that I am spiritual, and believe in a higher power who just so happens to be the Christian God. My wife and I are both members of a congregation who only cares about people on the inside, we are both women living as women. I wish we could all love who ever we want to without labels. I hope you can find a way to get out of that environment and feel safe to be who you are, my heart goes out to you.