Congratulations To Me! Two Years A Member!

[pandora]

I just realized i have been here two years and there have been oh so many changes that I could not have survived with the support i have received here.

I have been dealing with my past as well as my future all the while taking care of a child with aspergers, severe OCD and tourettes.. ( as well as a stalking neighbor..no joke, harmless..yes uncomfortable...well really uncomfortable).i guess i should say hats off to me! I also was really hurt by a friend i thought I could trust and have had some pretty unbeleivable things happen, again. I survived with the help of the people from this forum....Thank You! This is a good thing in more ways than one....I do not want to get upset! my Mom and i have a relationship and it is liveable! She has never been so caring. i mentioned to her that when we move together.....i may need to go to a rehab..if the back treatments work because they are really addictive and i am afraid of coming off of them alone and she agreed to take care of my son and I would go short term and attend out patient when the worst is over.

Pisses me right off...All i ever wanted to do was help others and for lifting for so many years..now look at me ( i guess it might have to do with being beat in the back a few times) How sick is that to admit. If the pain in my back is gone with the rest of the treatments I am going to need help...i like the escape too much, at least i recognize that! She said she would take care of my son it i have to be admitted for a safe medical detox..i am amazed she did not yell but I think she is finally understanding...i did not ask for this..it just happened.

Wow..i went on a tangent......I was congratulating myself for two years here...now i need to beat my prescription drug dependance and abuse from this back injury...boy do i feel releived admitting that. All I know is that I need to get off these drugs whether they are legal or not...I look sick when i look in the mirror but in all reality it is almost three years since the back injury...that is along time to take pain killers. Never thought this would be me...ever! I am really am scared and thank god I am being honest with doctors and therapists about it...now to get the back treatments over with..the weather is improving and i will be able to continue and i have decreased the pain meds..... It is going to take a lot more than that though, more complicated and now that i am crying..I do not want to elaborate...I ant to pat myself on the back for sticking it out here and healing my trauma for the last two years!!! Now to work on this aspect of the PTSD...this was the easiest one to deny or not admit, fully.

 

[Tinyflame]

Cogratulations Pand, that is terrific! :Hug_emoticon:

You will beat this thing too, -just like you said with your knowledge, understanding and support from the people here and otherwise.

I think this will be an easier battle than many others you have won, and you KNOW we're all behind you :smile:

Enjoy all the great progress and think of how much has been overcome.
I think that's positively absolutely incredibly fantastic!

Meg

 

[midi]

You can do it! One day at a time. Don't forget to breathe!

 

[pandora]

And now I am crying a good cry though!!! Thank You! It is a relieved cry...and my Mom is going to be the one to pull me out of it...She does love me..she just lost her way, i am a good person, sh taught me my values until14..prettty good ones and i am thanking GOD pretty frequently for letting this happen but please, oh please give us the strength to make it work!

 

[pandora]

Wow..your posts are so positive and the voicie cirulalating in my head,,,is how did you let this get this bad...you know better! Whoa..maybe i just needed a cry!

 

[pandora]

And i realized i did not capitalize all the wording in my title now again!!!!!1

UUUGGGHHH I was upset..sorry!

 

[Luthien]

Congrats Pandora

 

[pandora]

Thank you everyone,,man am I balling now but I am llistening to music too..I need a release!!!!!!

 

[pandora]

Why am I so upset right now.....like i cannot stop crying and i hate the out of control feeling......maybe it really is a relief cry..i need help and i have the option in the future....I did not have that before...I am going to have it soon. It really is a releif..we cannot change what we do not acknowlegde.....well i have acknowledged just never thought with having a special needs son...it would be a possibility. ( and because of my past..do not want him going to strangers, his father is not dependable and my brother abusive....It will be as soon as we find a house. My Mom offered yesterday......huuuuuhhhh...thank you GOD!!

 

[Grama-Herc]

Pan

I hate to see you this upset. I know the reason and it is very simple

THERE IS A FULL MOON ! ! ! !

Simple Direct To the Point

Have a good cry and get back to your happy place, OK!!!

 

[cherryblossom]

Pandora,

Congratulations on being here for 2 years and working so hard on your PTSD. Yes, maybe you still have stuff to work on, but never forget how far you have come.

And also, never forget how many people YOU have helped whilst you have been here. You certainly always have wise words for me ....... (and I'm sure others here feel the same). You are an amazingly strong woman, and despite what you are going through, you always have the time and inclination to assist others in their journeys.

And a (good) cry, generally is a relief and a release, it may feel out of control at the time ... but I'm guessing (and hoping) that you feel better for it after.

Masses of respect for you Pandora :Hug_emoticon:

Regards, CB

 

[pandora]

Thank you CB..yes the cry made me feel better..i guess i just needed it!