Coping with Significant Changes

[Kubash16]

I’ve been very well acquainted with significant loss from early on and that lesson kept repeating over the years.

You would think I would be used to it by now.

Instead, I seem to have an even harder time dealing with change and loss then ever before. Somehow the resilience I was praised for as a kid has just disappeared.

Now, loss and difficult changes make me suicidal, or at the very least extremely depressed. And I need to snap out of it already.

How do y’all cope?

 

[somerandomguy]

And I need to snap out of it already.

Do you, though?

I think depression, and even suicidal ideation to a point, is a normal response to extreme stress.

Maybe your response to difficult changes before, by burying your feelings, was because you weren't in a safe place to express them. And maybe now you're in a safer space.

Give yourself a break!

 

[Kubash16]

Do you, though?

I think depression, and even suicidal ideation to a point, is a normal response to extreme stress.

Maybe your response to difficult changes before, by burying your feelings, was because you weren't in a safe place to express them. And maybe now you're in a safer space.

Give yourself a break!

Is it really extreme stress though? Or did I just become this weak little baby?

 

[Chris-duck]

Is it really extreme stress though? Or did I just become this weak little baby?

*Grabs @Freida feather duster to whack ya with*
Really K? What would you say to any of us?

 

[Kubash16]

*Grabs @Freida feather duster to whack ya with*
Really K? What would you say to any of us?

Ummmmm buck up buttercup, it ain’t that bad??? ?, I don’t know.

 

[Chris-duck]

Ummmmm buck up buttercup, it ain’t that bad??? ?, I don’t know.

Haha, sure ya would :rolleyes:
Seriously though, I get it, and I agree with SRG where as a kid you had no choice other than to keep going, cos that's just how things were and you were a kid so gotta keep on keeping on. Now you're trying to bring feelz and stuff back online and you're putting more thought to all the stuff that's gone on before, so it's normal that it's gonna affect you more now than it did when you were a kid.

As for your original question about how to cope? I have no idea :laugh: So I'll just tell you all the things people tell me about the same stuff. Self care, support (T, friends, etc.) more self care (People usually say this twice to me cos I suck so hard at it), blahblah on here, take breaks, do stuff you enjoy instead of all your energy going to stuff you *have* to do. Etc.

 

[Freida]

Haha, sure ya would :rolleyes:
Seriously though, I get it, and I agree with SRG where as a kid you had no choice other than to keep going, cos that's just how things were and you were a kid so gotta keep on keeping on. Now you're trying to bring feelz and stuff back online and you're putting more thought to all the stuff that's gone on before, so it's normal that it's gonna affect you more now than it did when you were a kid.

As for your original question about how to cope? I have no idea :laugh: So I'll just tell you all the things people tell me about the same stuff. Self care, support (T, friends, etc.) more self care (People usually say this twice to me cos I suck so hard at it), blahblah on here, take breaks, do stuff you enjoy instead of all your energy going to stuff you *have* to do. Etc.

this this and this! And yes -- feather duster on standby for your next dorky statement about how you shoulda done better as a kid :rolleyes:

Sadly I just got this lecture a couple weeks ago.... about how resilience is great at the time but can become maladaptive if used as a coping technique. Guess what? Tha'ts us! That's why we have our own island

And really -- you would tell someone to suck it up? Oh thank you darlin ---I needed a good laugh today! :roflmao:

 

[Kubash16]

Lol yup I sure would. Why does no one believe me?? ?

 

[Ronin]

I sure would.

Ookay. So there is suck it up that works for you, and one that does so not.
And since this looks like one that does not work, how do you turn it into something that does, while sucking it up?

Because just sucking it up no fix. Changes still gonna be happening.

How do y’all cope?

By whining about it... Cough. Figuring out why precisely is it so no puedo this time, and how to turn it into a trainwreck I can deal with. Like just fine if it is a trainwreck, but if not my kind of it, I want nothing to do with it.

Eventually, by finding what is the same / comfort zone of some sort / welcome part of the change. Usually better when I find the ear to put that elephant on.

 

[Kubash16]

So just in case it isn’t clear, I wouldn’t actually tell anyone else to suck it up. I’m being sarcastic, cause I definitely wouldn’t.

It’s just the same old argument of everyone else is deserving of having feelings/handling things their own way, but I’m not. Because I’m me. Which I know is a bullshit answer. But, it’s so hard to allow myself to just feel bad about something without applying this massive amount of guilt to it.

 

[Justmehere]

Is the guilt and self shaming effective at achieving your goals? Doesn’t seem like it.

How I cope with change and loss? Eh. Some amount of freaking out is involved... but seriously, let’s look at loss. Grief is a sign that something or someone mattered. Going to the point of sucidial ideation isn’t helpful, I get that, but neither is beating yourself up for hurting. If you faced loss with no pain, then that would be very weird. Grief is ok. It means you are human.

My biggest coping skill when facing change is to remember, it will hurt, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end. Then I try to find what is familiar. Sometimes, the familiar gets really basic, like the sun still rising in the sky every day. The ground still being under my feet, and mindfully noticing that reality. It helps me hold on until the dust settles and the wave of grief blows through.

 

[Kubash16]

That’s a really good idea of focusing on what is familiar. And you definitely have a point that a loss without pain would be strange. Ugh, why is this stuff so hard. Why do I have to carry so much freaking guilt around with me?