SinkorSwim
Gold Member
So a couple weeks ago I admitted that there has been twice in my life that I considered suicide in therapy. They both are having to do with encountering big changes in my life and not having a support system or learning the proper ways to cope. If you looked at me from the outside you would see a middle aged Midwestern woman having it together and everything made. I often get told this. People of course have not seen the deeper side of me and it tends to never show. My own husband had to ask me when I was drunk if I ever felt suicidal and I told him about when I was a teenager and my dad just found out he had cancer. The second time was when I turned 21 and I was finally on my own and living in my own house. I thought I had everything but I was missing the whole relationship side of things with people as I was living on my own. I feel a lot of shame towards this side of me. Like I should have never felt this low because on the outside I had everything. As I work on this through therapy I am so afraid that I won't be able to cope properly and go off the deep end once more. My therapist has assured me I will be okay and we will work on these feelings. I find myself e-mailing her at least once a week in between sessions and I feel like I am bugging her too much. She always responds and says that she wants me to e-mail her. I guess my therapist before this would only respond to phone calls so I feel like I am invading her privacy a little and being too needy. How do I accept these feelings of not being needy and knowing I will be able to cope this time because I have help from a therapist?
