Phenioxrising
Silver Member
I was severly abused from the age 2-14. I wasn't allowed to talk about it due to being in cristian school, also from my brother who was in complete denial. I was beaten with high healed shoes, brooms, and any object my mother could get her hands on, every chance she got. Also kicked a dog I found down a flight of stairs. Though she died in 97, I thought their was no reason to talk about how I was treated.
My PTSD surfaced in 04, which brought on a severe stutter (I never stuttered before), along with being dislexic. My behavior was so bad I thought I was phychotic. So, decided to drink my pain away. Not without reasearching what I had though.
Fast forward to 2012, I was caught in a downward spiral with my health. I was going to the ER constantly with sever abdominal pain. Total of over 130 times in a year related to somatic pain of my PTSD. I was going to a therapist but didn't trust him. Although was given a new therapist which I randomly disociated, during the first session. But, my heart said I could trust him. A week later, my symptoms hit full force, I had hit rock bottom and was caught in an identity crisis.
Being that my therapist accepts e-mails from patients, I handed him my cause and effect of this torterous dissorder. He quickly dispensed Remeron for me. As confused as I was my therapist continued to help me by e-mail as I was processing my trauma. I talked with a friend that I knew and trusted well, but also had to divulge some of what happened to me during an appointment.
The therapist, along with other therapists in the hospital were actually inspired. As I am takeing care of my dad who got severe depression due to my mothers behavior. They set up a new PTSD group, (which I hate but continue to go). I got a book on complex trauma, to help myself along with therapy, and my generously kind therapist. The E-mails started in Oct. of 12'. They continued as he was helping me through the process, and the anguish that it brings up. Christmas was pretty rough, as my brother and his family came. Though painful as being run over multiple times by a mac truck, I did manage. Also, did my best takeing care, and supporting my dad.
Today is Jan. 11th, and I have processed my trauma and mourned my losses. I am gratefull to my kind and very compassionate therapist. Along with the other Dr's. in group., who made buttons, "Just Ask...", when they wanted to know what happened, LOL. I couldn't help but laugh and say, "OMG, I'm so F**king special". I am now moveing on with my life and have signed up for horseback rideing lessons.
My dad is quite old now, and I have a hard time accepting that fact, but know it none the less. He blames himself, but I never have, he loved me for who I was/am. I know hard times will flare up my symptoms. But, with the help of some very careing people, I'm glad to say I can get on with my life, as well as accept myself for who I am. I am not worthless, or a whore, as my mother would have said. I am careing, humble, and as grateful as I can be to the Dr's. that helped.
My PTSD surfaced in 04, which brought on a severe stutter (I never stuttered before), along with being dislexic. My behavior was so bad I thought I was phychotic. So, decided to drink my pain away. Not without reasearching what I had though.
Fast forward to 2012, I was caught in a downward spiral with my health. I was going to the ER constantly with sever abdominal pain. Total of over 130 times in a year related to somatic pain of my PTSD. I was going to a therapist but didn't trust him. Although was given a new therapist which I randomly disociated, during the first session. But, my heart said I could trust him. A week later, my symptoms hit full force, I had hit rock bottom and was caught in an identity crisis.
Being that my therapist accepts e-mails from patients, I handed him my cause and effect of this torterous dissorder. He quickly dispensed Remeron for me. As confused as I was my therapist continued to help me by e-mail as I was processing my trauma. I talked with a friend that I knew and trusted well, but also had to divulge some of what happened to me during an appointment.
The therapist, along with other therapists in the hospital were actually inspired. As I am takeing care of my dad who got severe depression due to my mothers behavior. They set up a new PTSD group, (which I hate but continue to go). I got a book on complex trauma, to help myself along with therapy, and my generously kind therapist. The E-mails started in Oct. of 12'. They continued as he was helping me through the process, and the anguish that it brings up. Christmas was pretty rough, as my brother and his family came. Though painful as being run over multiple times by a mac truck, I did manage. Also, did my best takeing care, and supporting my dad.
Today is Jan. 11th, and I have processed my trauma and mourned my losses. I am gratefull to my kind and very compassionate therapist. Along with the other Dr's. in group., who made buttons, "Just Ask...", when they wanted to know what happened, LOL. I couldn't help but laugh and say, "OMG, I'm so F**king special". I am now moveing on with my life and have signed up for horseback rideing lessons.
My dad is quite old now, and I have a hard time accepting that fact, but know it none the less. He blames himself, but I never have, he loved me for who I was/am. I know hard times will flare up my symptoms. But, with the help of some very careing people, I'm glad to say I can get on with my life, as well as accept myself for who I am. I am not worthless, or a whore, as my mother would have said. I am careing, humble, and as grateful as I can be to the Dr's. that helped.
