Sufferer CPTSD, depressed & anxious

[Susan Jane]

Hello Susan,
I honestly feel scared most of the time and can only cook and clean for her for a few hours before I rush off. I spiral into depression and hopelessness around her. It feels as though I'm suffocating and can't escape. I can definitely understand your feelings of sadness and being lost. The problem is I have to learn to parent myself whilst still parenting her. I taught my mum that you had to pay the rent and bills etc. It seems ridiculous but it's true. I guess we feel alone because we think no one could possibly understand us. I'm 50 and my inner child just wants a hug and to feel safe.
I guess we have to remember that we are definitely deserving of love.
Take care of you

Hello Susan,
Definitely understand the guilt they press on to you. You and I, are deserving of putting ourselves first, in fact it's essential for our overall health. I sit with the guilt and discomfort but still say no. It's very uncomfortable but it doesn't kill me and in a hour or so, the guilt is gone. I absolutely refuse to come second in my own life anymore.
We all have scars, so don't beat yourself up. Remember you are a queen and treat yourself like one.
I hope you have a beautiful day and treat yourself to something, a cup of tea or something big. Whatever makes you happy.
Rowen13

At the moment a cup of tea. Through all this turmoil in my life, I sometimes wonder who I am. I never had the space to find out. I have been driven by panic, trauma and the accompanying depression from the cycle and I am tired. I am trying not to make any rash decisions, sleep, go slow and learn how to stay centered. I acquired social phobias through it all which means being around to many people freaks me out. I am trying yo accept myself, a rather introverted person, who needs a lot of quiet. My personality isolates me, as I have always thought something is very wrong with me. Maybe that is not true. Maybe I am just okay

 

[Susan Jane]

Hello Susan,
I honestly feel scared most of the time and can only cook and clean for her for a few hours before I rush off. I spiral into depression and hopelessness around her. It feels as though I'm suffocating and can't escape. I can definitely understand your feelings of sadness and being lost. The problem is I have to learn to parent myself whilst still parenting her. I taught my mum that you had to pay the rent and bills etc. It seems ridiculous but it's true. I guess we feel alone because we think no one could possibly understand us. I'm 50 and my inner child just wants a hug and to feel safe.
I guess we have to remember that we are definitely deserving of love.
Take care of you

Hello Susan,
Definitely understand the guilt they press on to you. You and I, are deserving of putting ourselves first, in fact it's essential for our overall health. I sit with the guilt and discomfort but still say no. It's very uncomfortable but it doesn't kill me and in a hour or so, the guilt is gone. I absolutely refuse to come second in my own life anymore.
We all have scars, so don't beat yourself up. Remember you are a queen and treat yourself like one.
I hope you have a beautiful day and treat yourself to something, a cup of tea or something big. Whatever makes you happy.
Rowen13

I forgot to say I hope you do something special for yourself as well and thank you!

 

[Rowen13]

At the moment a cup of tea. Through all this turmoil in my life, I sometimes wonder who I am. I never had the space to find out. I have been driven by panic, trauma and the accompanying depression from the cycle and I am tired. I am trying not to make any rash decisions, sleep, go slow and learn how to stay centered. I acquired social phobias through it all which means being around to many people freaks me out. I am trying yo accept myself, a rather introverted person, who needs a lot of quiet. My personality isolates me, as I have always thought something is very wrong with me. Maybe that is not true. Maybe I am just okay

I know you are okay, just as you are. Human beings are not perfect nor are we supposed to be. I try to like myself because at 50, I'm beyond tired of hating myself with such a passion. I'm weird and I love it. I am a extrovert/introvert, serious and child like. I know it's hard to love yourself but try to perhaps not be so hard on yourself. Life is hard enough. Living inside your head is extremely hard, well at least in my head.
Live a day at a time, a hour, a minute or a second, whatever you can handle.
It's enough, because you're enough.
For what it's worth, you are not alone in your emotional struggle. I am scared, everyday. Scared and lost.
You are a kind and beautiful person Susan, so have a day. No pressure for it to be a "good day", just have a day. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to be "you".
Perfectly imperfect...just like the whole human race.
Take care of you,
Rowen13

 

[Susan Jane]

I know you are okay, just as you are. Human beings are not perfect nor are we supposed to be. I try to like myself because at 50, I'm beyond tired of hating myself with such a passion. I'm weird and I love it. I am a extrovert/introvert, serious and child like. I know it's hard to love yourself but try to perhaps not be so hard on yourself. Life is hard enough. Living inside your head is extremely hard, well at least in my head.
Live a day at a time, a hour, a minute or a second, whatever you can handle.
It's enough, because you're enough.
For what it's worth, you are not alone in your emotional struggle. I am scared, everyday. Scared and lost.
You are a kind and beautiful person Susan, so have a day. No pressure for it to be a "good day", just have a day. Take a deep breath and allow yourself to be "you".
Perfectly imperfect...just like the whole human race.
Take care of you,
Rowen13

Hey Rowen I was just reading our chat and even though it is hard. I keep waking up with sadness, anxiety wishing all my hard work with myself would break me out of my mental jail. I just wanted to reach out. Susan

 

[Rowen13]

Hey Rowen I was just reading our chat and even though it is hard. I keep waking up with sadness, anxiety wishing all my hard work with myself would break me out of my mental jail. I just wanted to reach out. Susan

Hello Susan,
I'm sorry to hear your struggle and I want you to know I strongly identify with you. I wake up anxious and the sound of my heart beating too fast. I try to monitor my thoughts and to try to calm myself down by thinking more logically instead in a place of fear.
Please feel free to contact me whenever you want. I'll be here for you, even just to listen.
Take care Susan,
Rowen13:)