I stopped trusting my therapist after 2 years. I began to notice a pattern building very slowly... she was not listening/rejecting certain specific topics of concern I kept bringing up. I have CPTSD and multiple chronic illnesses that have left me in constant pain and hospital stays and destroyed my finances. I also have workplace traumas that are among my biggest challenges. Whenever I tried to delve into the workplace trauma and share my realizations about my work experiences, she would verbally whisk it away as if it were in my imagination. I didn't imagine any of it. In fact, on my own I found in many books on workplace trauma that I had experienced verbatim a long list of traumatic situatuations and treatment , across multiple companies, that lead to workplace ptsd. I also noticed that she was forgetting time and time again my medical situation, which in my case is particularly unacceptable, as my situation is so severe and specific that it is a crucial part of understanding who I am and what I deal with DAILY, physically, mentally, socially, and financially. One day I tried to talk about my frustration with how PTSD and health issues have destroyed my ability to do BASIC daily tasks, and that nobody KNOWS how talented I really am because I am too sick to be out in the real world sharing my skills. She responded "well you're not going to become Rich and Famous." In my mind I was like... who the hell is she talking to? The way she said it.. It was like she had no idea who I was... she had lost track of ME. Maybe she had many new clients or maybe she was getting fatigued as a therapist over time. I never have said anything about being rich or famous... I just want to be able to WASH DISHES on a regular basis, or clean my room without having a panic attack! Or how about get through 20 minutes without 10 flashbacks? Then she suggested I set up a block of 4 back-to-back appts costing $400 to do EMDR.. but I can barely afford GAS. Plus I was suicidal at the time, and EMDR shouldn't be done when a person is suicidal! I had told her repeatedly that I knew my medication was causing the suicidal feelings and increasing other ptsd symptoms, but she kept forgetting again and again and again that I was on this medication for other health issues. When I left that appointment I knew I was never coming back. The whole thing made me very sad for several weeks, and then came the anger, and now I know that for my next phase in improvements/continued recovery process, I need new methods i.e. Self-help, yoga, new friends, maybe new diet, etc. I stopped using the medication and I feel way better, no therapy needed. But I will have to address workplace traumas on my own.
