Cranky With Therapist Again.

[watundah]

I posted a thread a while back about being upset that my therapist forgot some key trauma I had mentioned over the years. After some cranking at her and encouragement here, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and decided to move ahead and let it go.

Then I got another wild hair up my butt about how much personal time she takes. Like probably one week per month, 8 months out of the year, possibly more considering holidays.. I truly understand their need to self care and avoid burnout but it causes disruption and it's hard to keep flow going when every few sessions she is out. I am honestly surprised when there is a month with no break. I sent her an email about this, saying I was doubting her commitment and how she should have been straight up from the beginning that she is not available full time.

Part of me knows I have a legitimate gripe. And part of me thinks that we are peeling more layers away and maybe I am finding new reasons to not trust, because that is a main line of defense.

Any way, she said she that I have some legitimate points and will consider what I said about her outages being excessive. To me, this.could be lip service as it is not the same thing as an effort to change. For the record, I don't work and my schedule is completely flexible so I can go in any day, if she takes a long weekend and misses our session, but that seems to not be her preference.

I am not sure what a "normal" therapeutic relationship consists of and am torn about the desire to quit due to recurring crap like this or if I should focus on the hard work and successes that prevail?

I know we as the clients are supposed to be the boss but it doesn't feel that way.

 

[SeaQuel]

I understand where you're coming from with this and that does seem excessive. Does she give you advanced notice of her planned absences? Does she give you a back-up contact person? Is she available in a crisis situation? Can she move up your appointment in the week that follows her absence? Have you been forthright with your concerns before now?

I just started with a new somatic experiencing therapist who told me upfront that she's going to be out one week every 8 weeks (actually can't remember the frequency now but I think it might have been 8) for a prior commitment. I know the frequency is much less than what you're dealing with, but the point is, I was told upfront in case it was going to be an issue for me. I was also given the choice to start therapy last week or wait until the end of the month, given that she is out of town next week for a teacher training.

I think it's good that you aired your concerns with your therapist, and if you're making progress in other areas (it sounds like you are), then hopefully you can come to an agreement that works better for both of you.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I think your concerns are legitimate. Is she available for crisis says? How would you feel about her if she saw you weekly? Is that the only distress you have with her? If you're really flexible how about if you see her on the Friday before her week off and then on the Monday she returns?That's close to one week. I wonder how she can afford all that time off, but I'm nosey!!

 

[watundah]

I dont call upon her with crises. She asked me why I didn't call her when I lost my job and it didn't even occur to me. We meet once a week and occasionally I email and that's it. I just puked all of this at her after 3 years because my irritation has been building, what with her forgetfulness and showing up part time. I feel like you're either in it, or you've not. We'll see if anything changes. It's easy to pretend to care and then keep doing what works best for you.

 

[mrsps]

I can understand your frustration and I feel it is important for a T to be a stable person for us to, see so weekly appointments are important. My new T told me when I first started seeing her that she makes a commitment to her clients and will very rarely take time off and that she would always let me know in advance. Sometimes I feel that a weeks wait is too long let alone having to miss a whole week out and it be 2 weeks wait for the next appointment.
I hope you can work something out with your T to make it easier on you :)

 

[Rumors]

I'm sorry, but you have been there 3 years and this has been going on for the entire time? I am a bit taken back that after three years you would just now bring this up if it has been going on the entire time. Is that fair? After three years I don't think you get to say,
"I sent her an email about this, saying I was doubting her commitment and how she should have been straight up from the beginning that she is not available full time."
It's been three years! Surely you figured that out. I don't get the blame thing here. If you aren't happy with your therapy then I think it is up to you to make a change especially if this has been the history you have had with this therapist. After three years of the same schedule, I think it is not fair to question the commitment level of this person.
HOWEVER, if this is a new thing and she has just started missing a week a month then disregard my above post. She should let you know the change in your scheduling and then you can decide wether or not you want to stay.

 

[watundah]

I DO get to say something NOW because it has taken me this long to build the strength and courage to confront her.

You don't know me, please don't judge me.

I spent a few years being very resistant to it all, having a hard time lowering my defenses and not opening up. Perhaps it bothers me more now that the shell is falling away. I'm showing up, now I want her to, also.

Consensus seems that her outages are excessive and I am happy to know Im not out of line. I hope that she can make the adjustments I need.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I hope she can make the adjustments too, I don't like the way she is treating you.

 

[watundah]

Thank you CJ. The session did go pretty well. We'll see how things go in the future now that Ive voiced my concerns and she's offered to work around changes in her schedule.

 

[SeaQuel]

That's great that she actually heard you and is going to make changes to accommodate you! Well done.

 

[Laurie2001]

I DO get to say something NOW because it has taken me this long to build the strength and courage to co...

I totally support what you just said. The other post did sound judgmental and that's not OK. It takes a lot of courage to say something and sometimes does take years. I think your complaint is completely legitimate. I have a hard time when my therapist takes vacations and she only takes them on holidays and they're reasonable but it is still very hard for me so to deal with once a week every month would be rough. And if your schedule is flexible and your willing to see her at other times I'm not sure why she wouldn't agree with that. Anyway, just want you to know you have my support and understanding.

 

[Laurie2001]

i replied before seeing the post where she responded to your request. I'm really glad to hear that.