Relationship Crap, I Blew It

[Lunada94]

Husband got fired today ...again. I know it's the ptsd. I have compassion and my heart breaks for how tortured he is. I just broke tonight and cried about how stressed this all makes me and he was very hurt. Now he's slamming doors and telling me how I effed everything up and I was a two face because I was so compassionate earlier. I know it was the wrong time to vent but I never vent to him. But I did...now I am being punished. Any advice?

 

[Leah123]

Lunada, I don't think you blew it. I think you're human, and it showed. I hope you'll forgive yourself, and your husband snaps out of it and apologizes, because punishing you for being upset that he got fired.... that's understandable, but doesn't also mean it's not wrong. It's hard for things to go perfectly when life is hard like that.... nice thing about marriage is that you'll go to bed tonight, wake up tomorrow, still be married. Married the next day, the next week, the next month: you'll both have time to make it better. I'm very sorry you're having such a rough night.

 

[Sweetpea76]

:( I'm sorry Lunada, that's no fun. My vet doesn't do well if I get emotional either. He says he can't handle his own emotions, much less mine. It's frustrating when you have a natural reaction to something that you feel (i.e. stress, grief, or anger), and then you set them off too. All of the sudden you're the "insensitive one." :banghead:

Maybe once he stops slamming doors and settles down, you can apologize. I wouldn't apologize for your feelings though, because that is nothing to be sorry about. Only apologize for inadvertently stressing him. Maybe tell him that you had a moment of stress and frustration, but that doesn't change your love for him or your desire to support him.

I'd make sure that he knew that you did not feel sorry for your emotions or feelings though, because you are human, and you are going to feel what you are going to feel. He has to respect the fact that you are allowed to have feelings and emotions too.

I also wouldn't even try to approach him while he still lashing out, because we all know that's like throwing gasoline on a fire.

Good Luck Lunada

 

[Muzikluvr]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't think you were wrong to express your angst over the situation, or that you were two faced about it. It's easy to be compassionate on the one hand, and upset over how it affects your life on the other.

My husband turned to my daughter the other day and said, "I'm not allowed to be upset." He 'thinks' he's not allowed to express his emotions...but he is allowed! I don't mind his expressing his emotions... it's just that when he does that it freaks me out and I start expressing mine. ;-)

I hope your day is much better tomorrow. I hope he can get through this and move forward to find a new job soon.

Best wishes!

 

[Lunada94]

Thanks everyone so much. He gets these long, protracted stress episodes that seem to last days and days. This morning his arms were shaking as he drove me to work. He sometimes throws up blood. He's on like day 3 of this stress episode and I suspect he'll be like this for another day or two.

He's still upset about my comment. He bit back at me a few times with "Since you're the strong one..." comments. He said he doesn't want to live like this and hates his life. I don't blame him for feeling that way because I would feel that way too if I had to cope with what he has to deal with.

He's just taking it out on me. And it hurts. And I'm tired of it. He lost his therapist because he left our insurance. He needs to find a new one and I told him so. We'll see if he takes any action.

Thanks all SO much for your encouragement. Tears are streaming down my face at the moment. It feels good and comforting to know I'm not crazy. And I don't have to be perfect all the time. ;)

 

[ms spock]

No one can be perfect all the time.

He is very lucky to have a supporter that will put up with his lashing out at you.

You didn't do anything wrong by being upset by his getting fired.