This post serves as both an update for the kind people on here who wondered if I was okay after disappearing for several weeks (thanks, guys) and a cathartic little vent.
My very sick, very old, very mean grandma seems to be very close to death. After weeks of what felt like torment living with her, she went to stay with one of my aunts (her daughter) in a different state for Christmas. She is still there now. That aunt had previously criticized me for supposedly "not doing enough" to take care of my grandmother (despite me devoting all my energy to her and spending money on her instead of my little baby boy). But now that same aunt is apparently on the verge of a meltdown after taking care of her for a few weeks -- and she isn't even taking care of a newborn baby in addition to the dementia patient!
Anyways, my grandma was reportedly very happy staying with my aunt but I've just received word that her health has deteriorated considerably and they suspect she may be on the way out. It makes me deeply sad despite how terrible it has been taking care of her. She's still my grandmother and I do realize that she was nasty because of the dementia (for the most part).
While my grandma has been away, I wish I could say I've been able to relax, but that would not be true. I have been dealing with Medicaid. I don't know how Medicaid operates for people in other states, but in Illinois, it is awful. Nightmarish. There are no words to describe the hell they have been putting me through. And it seems intentional somehow .... I applied and heard nothing back for a few weeks, but thought nothing of it because I was warned it could take up to two months. Then I get a letter claiming I missed an interivew and therefore my application would be denied if I didn't urgently get in touch.
A) I was never notified of any interview. Not by mail, not by phone and not by email -- all of which they had. B) The phone numbers they provided to "get in touch" don't work -- they are either out of service or no one answers EVER (I mean, I called for days on end, nonstop -- they don't pick up). The phone numbers available through any further Google searching are the same -- either out of service or a dead end. So I had to drive all the way out to their office and wait in line for 4 hours just to ask to reschedule the interview. BUT they had already canceled my application so I was told to wait 30 days and apply again.
I did. Got one step further this time around and had the interview. Was told to wait for a letter they'd send and then bring in all the supporting documentation to finalize the application. Was told I'd have 10 business days to prepare all my paperwork once I receive the letter. I got the letter on Dec. 23, late in the day, and in the letter it said my deadline was Dec. 26 -- a day they are closed. So i was only able to go back on the 27th, waited in line for 6 hours. Was told that they canceled my application ONCE AGAIN because I didn't make the deadline. Have to wait another 30 days. All the while my baby has no health insurance, and neither do I.
I talked to other people who were waiting at the Medicaid office and they all described nearly identical situations with their applications constantly being canceled for insane reasons. Seems like it's just a good way to deter people from seeking benefits ...
Oh, and I almost forgot -- my cousin overdosed on opiates and nearly died, and my therapist says i'm suffering an "acute stress reaction" to it. It was very harrowing. I wasn't there in person, but my aunt (my cousin's mother) was with me when she got the call. I will never forget the animal-like sound that came out of her when she thought her son was dead. I tended to her and grabbed the phone and talked the person on the other end through the steps for CPR. We thought he was a goner but he turned out to be okay. Needless to say, it was very scary and I have not been able to stop thinking about death since then. I get images in my head of all these people I know and love dying. It's really disturbing.
Sorry that this is all over the place. There's a lot that's happened and I'm just trying to get it all out.
I guess I am sad to say that not much has improved. I am happy that my son got to meet some of his family members, but in terms of stress for me, it's at an all-time high. I thought I'd made it through the worst of it -- I haven't. I've actually lost all feeling on the right side of my body and now walk with a limp. Frequently fall down the stairs cause i can't feel my right foot landing. But I can't afford to go see a doctor, so I will just have to hope it's nothing serious. (I did check with my aunt, a doctor, who said it sounds like the effects of major stress and exhaustion).
Well, here's to hoping 2017 will be a bit easier. (For everyone! Not just me)
My very sick, very old, very mean grandma seems to be very close to death. After weeks of what felt like torment living with her, she went to stay with one of my aunts (her daughter) in a different state for Christmas. She is still there now. That aunt had previously criticized me for supposedly "not doing enough" to take care of my grandmother (despite me devoting all my energy to her and spending money on her instead of my little baby boy). But now that same aunt is apparently on the verge of a meltdown after taking care of her for a few weeks -- and she isn't even taking care of a newborn baby in addition to the dementia patient!
Anyways, my grandma was reportedly very happy staying with my aunt but I've just received word that her health has deteriorated considerably and they suspect she may be on the way out. It makes me deeply sad despite how terrible it has been taking care of her. She's still my grandmother and I do realize that she was nasty because of the dementia (for the most part).
While my grandma has been away, I wish I could say I've been able to relax, but that would not be true. I have been dealing with Medicaid. I don't know how Medicaid operates for people in other states, but in Illinois, it is awful. Nightmarish. There are no words to describe the hell they have been putting me through. And it seems intentional somehow .... I applied and heard nothing back for a few weeks, but thought nothing of it because I was warned it could take up to two months. Then I get a letter claiming I missed an interivew and therefore my application would be denied if I didn't urgently get in touch.
A) I was never notified of any interview. Not by mail, not by phone and not by email -- all of which they had. B) The phone numbers they provided to "get in touch" don't work -- they are either out of service or no one answers EVER (I mean, I called for days on end, nonstop -- they don't pick up). The phone numbers available through any further Google searching are the same -- either out of service or a dead end. So I had to drive all the way out to their office and wait in line for 4 hours just to ask to reschedule the interview. BUT they had already canceled my application so I was told to wait 30 days and apply again.
I did. Got one step further this time around and had the interview. Was told to wait for a letter they'd send and then bring in all the supporting documentation to finalize the application. Was told I'd have 10 business days to prepare all my paperwork once I receive the letter. I got the letter on Dec. 23, late in the day, and in the letter it said my deadline was Dec. 26 -- a day they are closed. So i was only able to go back on the 27th, waited in line for 6 hours. Was told that they canceled my application ONCE AGAIN because I didn't make the deadline. Have to wait another 30 days. All the while my baby has no health insurance, and neither do I.
I talked to other people who were waiting at the Medicaid office and they all described nearly identical situations with their applications constantly being canceled for insane reasons. Seems like it's just a good way to deter people from seeking benefits ...
Oh, and I almost forgot -- my cousin overdosed on opiates and nearly died, and my therapist says i'm suffering an "acute stress reaction" to it. It was very harrowing. I wasn't there in person, but my aunt (my cousin's mother) was with me when she got the call. I will never forget the animal-like sound that came out of her when she thought her son was dead. I tended to her and grabbed the phone and talked the person on the other end through the steps for CPR. We thought he was a goner but he turned out to be okay. Needless to say, it was very scary and I have not been able to stop thinking about death since then. I get images in my head of all these people I know and love dying. It's really disturbing.
Sorry that this is all over the place. There's a lot that's happened and I'm just trying to get it all out.
I guess I am sad to say that not much has improved. I am happy that my son got to meet some of his family members, but in terms of stress for me, it's at an all-time high. I thought I'd made it through the worst of it -- I haven't. I've actually lost all feeling on the right side of my body and now walk with a limp. Frequently fall down the stairs cause i can't feel my right foot landing. But I can't afford to go see a doctor, so I will just have to hope it's nothing serious. (I did check with my aunt, a doctor, who said it sounds like the effects of major stress and exhaustion).
Well, here's to hoping 2017 will be a bit easier. (For everyone! Not just me)
