anthony
Founder
An interesting subject that I want to broach is criticism. The aim of this discussion is to see all the different responses which I believe will help those stuck within a negative self-criticism view, maybe see a little beyond to ideas outside the box. It's something raised in a book on Dead Link Removed.
The Question -- Why is criticism upsetting to some, more than others?
My answer -- What other people say has no impact on what you feel. Another person cannot be responsible for making you feel upset or otherwise. No matter how vicious, heartless or cruel comments may be, they have no power to disturb you or create you discomfort.
Are you now thinking I've lost the plot? Any person with a healthy self-esteem will know the above to be true and accurate, and the reason is simpler than you may think, and even than you may like to believe.
The only person in the entire world who has the power to put you down, is you, nobody else.
Ever since starting this community I have encouraged people to venture towards CBT. Why? Because the leading experts in the world on PTSD and trauma, as a majority, all cite CBT is the first line treatment therapy for PTSD. It has proven long-term results for a PTSD sufferer, spanning decades of research and over a thousand studies. This is all conclusive information.
Are all therapists created equal? Shit no. At a rough guess, you will find within the entire therapeutic industry there are probably 10% who are outstanding at treating trauma and PTSD. That isn't a fault in therapists or education. Some people are wired problem solvers, some are not. To put it simple... 10% will excel in negative thinking problem solving analytical skills. This rings true just reading CBT books. About 10% of them will be excellent, the rest will range from good to mediocre to poor. Book -- therapist -- pick your poison, same outcome. Good book, good outcome. Good therapist, good outcome. Bad book or therapist, poor outcome.
So, back to criticising and what happens within you. When a person criticises you, certain negative thoughts are automatically triggered. Your emotional reaction will be created by these thoughts, NOT by what the person actually says to you. These thoughts will encapsulate a range of negative thinking styles (cognitive distortions).
So how do you overcome this? By learning to identify your own negative thoughts and thinking styles when being criticised. You can write them down, analyse them, then implement healthier responses.
To put it another way, when a person criticises you, the comments they make will either be right or wrong. If the comments are wrong, then you should be questioning yourself as to why you're upset, because there should be nothing to be upset about if the comments are wrong. So if you're in tears, angry and upset over a comment made to you, claiming it to be wrong, why is such a reaction necessary? It's not them, its you.
Then on the other hand, if the criticism is accurate, there is still no reason for you to be upset or feel overwhelmed, unless you think you should be perfect (Perfectionism is a cognitive distortion). You should simply acknowledge your error and take whatever steps are needed to correct it, if required.
Sounds simple... yet why do people blame others when criticised?
Now you could fear criticism because you need to feel loved and approved of, but the problem with this scenario is that you're people pleasing, another cognitive distortion, leaving little time for you to live your life. Funnily enough, people often find people pleasers less desirable to be around due to a need of constant reassurance.
What's your take on this subject? Are you vulnerable to criticism, or not? If so, why, if not, why not?
The Question -- Why is criticism upsetting to some, more than others?
My answer -- What other people say has no impact on what you feel. Another person cannot be responsible for making you feel upset or otherwise. No matter how vicious, heartless or cruel comments may be, they have no power to disturb you or create you discomfort.
Are you now thinking I've lost the plot? Any person with a healthy self-esteem will know the above to be true and accurate, and the reason is simpler than you may think, and even than you may like to believe.
The only person in the entire world who has the power to put you down, is you, nobody else.
Ever since starting this community I have encouraged people to venture towards CBT. Why? Because the leading experts in the world on PTSD and trauma, as a majority, all cite CBT is the first line treatment therapy for PTSD. It has proven long-term results for a PTSD sufferer, spanning decades of research and over a thousand studies. This is all conclusive information.
Are all therapists created equal? Shit no. At a rough guess, you will find within the entire therapeutic industry there are probably 10% who are outstanding at treating trauma and PTSD. That isn't a fault in therapists or education. Some people are wired problem solvers, some are not. To put it simple... 10% will excel in negative thinking problem solving analytical skills. This rings true just reading CBT books. About 10% of them will be excellent, the rest will range from good to mediocre to poor. Book -- therapist -- pick your poison, same outcome. Good book, good outcome. Good therapist, good outcome. Bad book or therapist, poor outcome.
So, back to criticising and what happens within you. When a person criticises you, certain negative thoughts are automatically triggered. Your emotional reaction will be created by these thoughts, NOT by what the person actually says to you. These thoughts will encapsulate a range of negative thinking styles (cognitive distortions).
So how do you overcome this? By learning to identify your own negative thoughts and thinking styles when being criticised. You can write them down, analyse them, then implement healthier responses.
To put it another way, when a person criticises you, the comments they make will either be right or wrong. If the comments are wrong, then you should be questioning yourself as to why you're upset, because there should be nothing to be upset about if the comments are wrong. So if you're in tears, angry and upset over a comment made to you, claiming it to be wrong, why is such a reaction necessary? It's not them, its you.
Then on the other hand, if the criticism is accurate, there is still no reason for you to be upset or feel overwhelmed, unless you think you should be perfect (Perfectionism is a cognitive distortion). You should simply acknowledge your error and take whatever steps are needed to correct it, if required.
Sounds simple... yet why do people blame others when criticised?
Now you could fear criticism because you need to feel loved and approved of, but the problem with this scenario is that you're people pleasing, another cognitive distortion, leaving little time for you to live your life. Funnily enough, people often find people pleasers less desirable to be around due to a need of constant reassurance.
What's your take on this subject? Are you vulnerable to criticism, or not? If so, why, if not, why not?