cntrymom08466
Confident
I feel so guilty for what I feel like is helping my ex (kids' father) rape my daughter. Not intentionally, but if would be angry, I would say "why don't you go out and talk to your dad" when he was out in the shed or something. Cause they seemed to get along and in reality he raped her. How do get over the guilt????!!!
Thoughts for today and I can't seem to stop crying. And I am missing my dad a lot!! He was in the hospital at this time last year and died on Nov. 25.
I have been so out of sorts lately I guess is one way to put it. I feel like it’s easy to aggravate me and I don’t really like the way I have been lately. I don’t like myself much anyway, but even worse right now. Aaron is passionate about the election and supporting Trump, which I do, but it seems he wants to see people’s reaction or have confrontations with them. Like he wants to argue. I hate confrontations. Jim used to get angry all the time over nothing it seemed. I don’t remember why he would get mad. I just remember feeling anxious a lot worrying if he was going to get mad or not. Or he would blow up so easily. Once he kicked the tv and knocked off the gingerbread houses I had sitting on top of them. (we had a console tv then. ) And I remember him kicking an empty high chair once and storming out the door or storming to the bedroom. It seemed like no matter what I did, I was not good enough. I remember asking Miranda to go out and talk to her dad cause I it always seemed put him in a better mood. Now I know why and I hate that I did that. Oh this hurts so bad and I can’t stop crying. I keep seeing her being so sweet and I helped ruin her.
Thoughts for today and I can't seem to stop crying. And I am missing my dad a lot!! He was in the hospital at this time last year and died on Nov. 25.
I have been so out of sorts lately I guess is one way to put it. I feel like it’s easy to aggravate me and I don’t really like the way I have been lately. I don’t like myself much anyway, but even worse right now. Aaron is passionate about the election and supporting Trump, which I do, but it seems he wants to see people’s reaction or have confrontations with them. Like he wants to argue. I hate confrontations. Jim used to get angry all the time over nothing it seemed. I don’t remember why he would get mad. I just remember feeling anxious a lot worrying if he was going to get mad or not. Or he would blow up so easily. Once he kicked the tv and knocked off the gingerbread houses I had sitting on top of them. (we had a console tv then. ) And I remember him kicking an empty high chair once and storming out the door or storming to the bedroom. It seemed like no matter what I did, I was not good enough. I remember asking Miranda to go out and talk to her dad cause I it always seemed put him in a better mood. Now I know why and I hate that I did that. Oh this hurts so bad and I can’t stop crying. I keep seeing her being so sweet and I helped ruin her.