Sexual Assault CSA: How do you reconcile if you let your children be around the same persons who violated, traumatised you?

[Seeking Susan]

How do you reconcile if you let your children be around the same persons who violated, traumatised you.

Is there any way to ever reason it out or understand why you would let these people near your children and not know they were also being violated? Can a parent ever forgive themselves or can the child forgive the parent for allowing the opportunity for it to happen

 

[Girlsrule]

I wonder the same thing about my family. It's a long story and sorry I'm sorry if this is all over the place but my step grandfather molested me when I was a child.

I just recently found out from my aunt that he used to do the same thing to her and my mother when they were children. She also told me that he may have raped me as well. (But I feel like it was someone else).

I was eventually put into foster care and while growing up whenever I didn't want to be at one of my foster homes I would always go over to his apartment.

He never did anything to me when I was older and honestly I had no memory of him doing anything to me when I was a child. At least until I was triggered by being with someone who was older than me.

The point is my whole family knew I would go over to his house. Sometimes my mother would even stay the night over his house as well with me (she was homeless). And they knew what he had done to them when they were kids and yet they still let me be near him.

It's like why didn't anyone ever tell me not to go over his house when I was older?

I don't know. I just feel so broken and alone and I don't think I can ever forgive them.

 

[grit]

I am so sorry you had this experience and you feel abandoned and lonely because others in your life let you down. I hope you find strength in all of this.

 

[Ronin]

I did that, with one of my kids (not with their parent, that.)

It was a mistake.

& Where it was DV with others or the kids other parents, hurting me?
The bigger mistake.

So my normal rules for known assholes & kids are still alike the, die or I kill them before allowing contact, kids come first. Granted, that counts out force / legally & administratively made to in many ways. But I need to remember where my head needs to be about this, kids even remotely in my care, and abusers. No second chances & no forgiving them, or hopes they might change. For the better of the younglings involved. What society or any such bullshit says about change does not matter, and is not accurate.

 

[Mach123]

My wife made me. Terrible to say that I know. What my mothers involvement in my CSA actually was ill probably never know? She and her second husband however did enough when I was a teen to have me leave her out of my life forever.

But when she ended up with nothing and nowhere to go my wife had to save her.

I could've left her. That would've been the only way and we had all those young kids at the time so, I let it happen like so many things. My kids never knew anything about it and they loved gramma P.

It killed me. But that was how my wife betrayed me always. It was always leave or let her. I stayed.