General Curled Up In My Hoodie

[Glara]

So I'm on the couch curled up in my hoodie feeling rather lonely. It's been almost a year since he said he never wanted a relationship, but from Thanksgiving until mid Jan he seemed to be making his way back. Then he got sick again and it all went downhill.

I was invited up by one of my former best friends, unexpectedly. I turned her down. She's basically shut me out as well for the past year and a half. If she available tomorrow I'll go out, but not last minute. I don't know why I've suddenly become everyone's doormat over the past 2 years and I really don't know how to change it. But I will not jump the minute someone invites me out. At least not if its someone that has repeatedly blown me off.

So I'm curled up in my hoodie, all alone, trying to figure out what to do next. The sufferer in my life isn't there for me and my former friends aren't there for me and no one listens to me. Even my daughter won't let me finish a sentence. I really don't want to go to a counselor. I really would just like to have someone to talk to. No one listens to anything I say.

 

[Glara]

Even here too.

 

[Suzetig]

Please don't think that a lack of response means no one wants to listen to you, you sound very down and sometimes people just don't know what to say or may dealing with their own stuff and just not have anything left over to give to someone else.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you just now, is there a reason why you won't go out with your friend other than it being a short notice invite? I know when I'm not doing well I can make invisible hoops for people to jump through to "prove" they care. If you don't want her company, that's ok but if you do want someone around you it might be worth reaching out?

 

[Casey_03]

@Glara I admittedly haven't followed your posts and am not super familiar with your story, but from what I have read, I have to wonder why the hell you even keep your sufferer around? He clearly makes you miserable and the relationship seems profoundly, ridiculously unhealthy for you.

So I'm curled up in my hoodie, all alone, trying to figure out what to do next. The sufferer in my life isn't there for me and my former friends aren't there for me and no one listens to me.

The problem I see is that you're not there for yourself .... which may be why people have grown distant. Codependent relationships are a bitch, and I can sympathize, but at a certain point you have to take responsibility for allowing yourself to be treated like crap and feeling miserable. It seems like you've been vowing to cut all ties for months and months, but haven't done so ... maybe it's time you kept your word, and maybe then you will stop feeling this way.

 

[scout86]

Even here too.

Maybe no one replied because no one knew what to say? A fair number of people have read this, it looks like. You didn't actually ask a question, did you? So maybe people just weren't sure what to say?

Over the past year, you've had lots of conversations here and been offered lots of advice. I don't know how useful you've found any of that. You seem to be stuck in the very same place you were at a year ago.

I really don't want to go to a counselor.

Do you have reasons for that?

I really would just like to have someone to talk to. No one listens to anything I say.

What would show you that people listen?

 

[Sandstone]

Do you want your "former" friend to keep asking, to prove that she really cares?

 

[Glara]

I've never vowed to cut off all ties. I've said I should, but I know that I won't.

My one friend, who lives out of state, has been very distant. It's not because of me, it's because her 24 yr old daughter died. I get it. I know the state of chaos her life is in, and she knows I'm here when she needs me.

My other 2 friends; one always called me,for many years, whenever she had a problem but she just seems to have moved on to another friend and has no time for me. The other one hurts. She's changed. She did text Fri to say she's in town and wanted to go out. She lives an hour away. She comes to visit her Mom often and doesn't get in touch. But she had a bad day so she just wanted me to pick her up. (I wasn't feeling well) She lives in a city. She used to meet up with me whenever I went to the city but not anymore, or I should rarely. Once a year or so is ok to keep in touch, but it's not enough.

I am hoping to move but the townhouse I'm trying to buy is a short sale and can take a long time. The move will be a way to meet new people. I have a few friends at work, but they either have spouses or children which make it difficult to socialize or even chat with. Right now these are things I have no control over. When I move I think that will change a lot. It will allow me to meet many new people but for now this is how it is.

I'm not asking for advice, just someone to talk to. I don't have much family. I've mentioned before that I believe my father may have PTSD based on what I've learned from my sufferer. He's a Korean War that lost his whole unit in a bombing. They were a medical unit, my dad wasn't there at the time but I imagine it must've been traumatic. He's spent most of his life not speaking to me and various other family members including his mother and sister. I don't have a relationship with my cousins. My brother is always living in different countries and we were never very close. I have my daughter. She's 25. I can't expect her to spend all her time with me and I certainly can't talk about all this with her. So that's it.

I'm just looking for someone to talk to.