Custody

[Casey_03]

Yes, I will say that the one positive thing to come out of this is the realization that I have great inner strength. He has said terrible, crushing things to me, but you know what? The personal insults stopped bothering me, because I know damn well they aren't true. And I think it is the first time I have had the inner strength to realize that.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm glad you are doing all you can to take care of yourself and the new little kiddo on the way. Bed rest is not fun. I hope you can use the time to find some ways to smile, laugh, relax, and keep connecting with safer people. The more you do that, the easier it will be to see through his bullshit and see it for what it is: attempts of a terrible and weak person to try and make you feel bad, and not truth from a credible source.

What he is doing is awful and hopefully he will give it up soon.

He is the father though, so you should take his statements seriously regarding his desire to gain custody, even if it is partial custody. He will have rights along the way. Keep documenting. Even in the US I have seen male and female parents CONVICTED OF CHILD ABUSE later gain custody of children, even after stating they didn't want them. If people can do that in the US, there may be ways for him to manipulate the law in the Ukraine, even as British citizen. I wouldn't put it past him.

It's not something to stress about (I know, easy to say, but hard to do) but it is something to be planning for the possibility for.

Keep talking about what is going on whenever you need to. Even if it is again and again. He's engaged in all kinds of tactics to try to make you feel like crap, and it's really good to be reaching out to people who can help validate he is full of shit and counteract his cruel comments.

Under the circumstances, you are taking so many good steps and I hope it helps give you a little confidence that you will be a good momma, no matter what he has said. Keep focusing on all the good safer people around you there to support you in person and here online. :hug:

You do have much inner strength, and it's so wonderful you are beginning to see that and connect to it!

 

[Ellabella44]

Yep rule #1. You own you.

 

[Ronin]

Well not sure if this will be any use, but Link Removedthis organization (Women's Aid, Britain; in case the link doesn't display properly) deals with domestic violence & legal advice and figuring since they're British, they might have an idea on British law regarding these matters.

Organizations I found mentioned as Ukrainian dealing with partner violence seem to have pages out of function en masse, but I'll keep checking.
ETA: Kharkov is supposed to have an organization named Woman's World, if anyone local would know anything about them?
Kiev has International Renaissance Foundation for human rights organization that seems to be well connected, at least the pages mentioned cooperation with a local ombudsman, so if that's anyone more accessible to you, I'd check them out. Link's in Ukrainian, not sure if it'll be readable to you but it might to someone you know in case it's not. http://www.irf.ua/about/irf/

 

[Justmehere]

What citizenship will the baby have?

 

[Ronin]

Shouldn't that be by international law, the same as the mother's?

 

[Casey_03]

American

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Casey,
in the UK, there is a bureaucracy called the "child support agency". They pursue "fathers" for maintenance money, even if there has been a DNA test and the guy is not the biological father.

as far as what happened outside the uk, uk law is used to prosecute guys who've stuck it in <16 year olds outside the UK, so, if we can assume consistency (this is positive law, so logic really does not apply) then the CSA should apply too.

This is going back a lot of years. A friends sister had a baby to a guy she wasn't interested in staying with. She was able to threaten him with child maintenance payments, in order to get him to sign a document where he renounced any claim to contact with the mother and child.

On a different note;
if his abuse continues, then please pm me.

with his name and date of birth and parents address in the UK, I can see if there is a female cop in his county who takes a special interest in abusive males.

I can also see if there is a zealous social worker, who might like the info for files, should he ever seek custody while in the UK.

There are good people in even the worst of institutions.

My other thoughts are good material for Cashew's "bad shit I didn't do" thread. A mate of a mate of a mate, breaks ribs of abusive males... extremely painful, they can't be plastered and the break moves with every breath.

 

[Anarchy]

Incidentally,
with the likes of FATCA (foreign account tax compliance act) someone who is down as an american "citizen" can find it very difficult to function outside of the plantation of the united state.

the risks are too big for banks to take them on as customers, as a simple paperwork error could easily bankrupt the bank with fines.

We've had people who haven't set foot in America since childhood, getting saddled with huge tax demands from the american IRS extortionists for having been successful. and it costs good money to get taken off the property ledger of that plantation.