Relationship Dating others during space

[master z]

I am currently in space mode with my sufferer. Rightfully so I am exhausted from being patient, waiting and having my feelings ignored for quite some time.

Has any other supporters thought about dating or seeing other people while there partner is isolating/ needing space? I am about to and not sure if I am commiting a sin, being a hypocrite or being selfish in a good way.

 

[Neverthesame]

Do you mean a platonic relationship, or a romantic/sexual relationship?

If it's the latter? Have you discussed this with your sufferer ahead of time, or plan to do so after this isolation period?

If you're both okay with the idea, I don't see why it would be wrong. Not my thing, but whatever floats your boat.

If you're planning to go behind your sufferers back?
Then that's just plain cheating, which I don't think I need to tell you, is a shitty thing to do.

If your just going out with a friend just to have someone to talk to?
Totally fine in my book.

 

[master z]

It is half way between platonic and romantic. She isn't ready for a romantic relationship and thanks to @EveHarrington on another thread saying when someone isn't ready at this moment in time we aren't romantic because she isn't ready.

She asked for space and I need to make self care # 1. I am using this as a time to relax and let go of " upset feelings" of not being able to have fun with my sufferer.

 

[joeylittle]

I am currently in space mode with my sufferer. Rightfully so I am exhausted from being patient, waiting and having my feelings ignored for quite some time.

I think the ethics are ultimately your own to set and follow as you’d like. But if you’re wondering what other people might do in a similar situation, I’d first ask - what kind of relationship (level of stated commitment) do you have w/your sufferer? Married or not, how long together, kids or not....

If you’re currently monogamous, but that isn’t working for you, you’d be needing to change the terms of the agreement.

You’d want to ask yourself, is this going to need to be a breakup, or a putting the relationship more firmly on ‘pause’...

Curious to hear your thoughts.

 

[master z]

I think the ethics are ultimately your own to set and follow as you’d like. But if you’re wonde...

My thoughts are I am putting this on pause.

 

[EveHarrington]

I have a very clear line in the sand.

Up until we have the boyfriend/girlfriend commitment talk, I am free to do as I please. I don’t do this half in/half out stuff. If we’re in a relationship then I’m ALL in. If I’m not, I’m free to do as I please.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a slut, I do not sleep around. I do however get flirty and such. Sometimes the way I talk to men could be seen as inappropriate if I was in a relationship. This is why I need a very clear indication that ok, we are now in a relationship. I’m not putting a chain around my neck unless I know he’s committed to me, too. :hilarious:

If you two are in a committed relationship, either don’t date around or break it off with her.

If you two are not in a committed relationship, you’re free to do as you please. Date anyone you please. I don’t believe in waiting around for people to get their shit together and decide I’m finally worth committing to!

 

[JM318]

I literally don’t have the energy for that, or the want to date during “breaks” but as long as it’s known and agreed upon, do what makes you happy.

 

[LuckiLee]

You can date as many people as you like as long as all parties are aware and agree with it.

It's hard for people with PTSD to trust at all. And if she found out you were doing this behind her back you could possibly cause her more pain.

Be honest.

 

[shimmerz]

I am about to and not sure if I am commiting a sin, being a hypocrite or being selfish in a good way.

No, I don't think any of those things.

However, if this has not been agreed upon by you and your sufferer prior to your acting upon it then I would suggest you shoot her a text and say you need to get on with your life. I think if you can't let her know first and your relationship is considered a monogamous one, then you are out and out cheating. Call a spade a spade.

 

[Abstract]

You haven't really answered if she knows how you see this or not so until you do that people can't really give you accurate feedback. What is your agreement when it comes to seeing other people? What is your relationship with your sufferer? It seems you are already having an emotional affair with this person.Agreed with others and will add that those with a trauma past often don't find it easy to get past betrayal if there is any that occurs.

 

[OrangeJulius]

Like others have already said, we don't have a clear understanding of your guys' agreement.

I'm thinking its possible that you don't even know where you stand with her.

If that's the case, I see it this way: in the future, when she is in a place where she is capable of having the discussion about your relationship, you are going to have to live with the consequences of your actions. And those consequences could be losing her forever because she feels you broke her trust and were disloyal or maybe solidifying a platonic relationship with her.

Its up to you to weigh what's most important to you.

 

[joeylittle]

My thoughts are I am putting this on pause.

I’d say, tell her it’s going on pause, describe what that consists of (for you, vis-a-vis her and other people) and move forward with it.

One thing to think about is whether you’d like to leave the next move up to her, or whether you’d like to propose a window of time to each be living your own lives before you check in again.