Day Of Failed Therapy

[majidah]

As I've noted before on here I finally got myself to go back into therapy. This morning I had my appointment but seriously felt unusually aggressive. Maybe not aggressive so much as in a mood to lash out at even the slightest thing. Anyway, there I sat talking as normal answering questions and sharing a bit of my mother's murder to the therapist. In retrospect what she said wasn't anything to react to. However, I seriously flew off the handle. She just sat there with a shocked look on her face as I went into a rant of how pointless it was to sit in her office and discuss what really will never change. At that point I was finding therapy pointless, listening to her voice was pointless, everything about the appointment was pointless. She suggested some medications to control the mood swings and for the life of me I wanted to rip her little prescription pad in half. Normally when I'm in such a foul mood I stay buried in my room until it passes. I know I probably should have cancelled the appointment but my boyfriend wouldn't hear of it, which led to an argument all the way there.Needless to say by the end of the session, she asked if I was going to return. I guess I put that much doubt into her mind. I don't honestly remember everything I said but I do remember being just down right vicious with my words.

Does anyone else seriously hit that level? I mean, so much so that it actually feels good to just completely slip into what my daughter has come to call "Wench" mode.

 

[Abrasky]

It may be a good day for the therapist though, she may have got a lot of information.Not all is a loss. I don't think it was a failed therapy.

Things can change. I have moods similar to this, this is really strong dissaocation. They reflect what I saw in my trauma. My moods started coming out in my 10th year of therapy, and I am currently wittling them away at the moment through therapy.

And yes, they can get very very bad. I once went into a room and swore, through things around a room and banged my head into a wall over and over.

 

[majidah]

I don't know how much good information she got. I mean between describing in deep detail the level of hate I hold towards my father and his family, how if I even knew the slightest bit about her I'd probably hate her because chances were she came from a leave it to beaver family. That, I do remember saying. I do remember how the room seemed to become very small and everything seemed to become extremely bright color wise. At the point I was so confused I didn't know whether to laugh in her face or just scream, I told her I thought it was best to end the session for the day. I work tonight and to be honest, the mood I'm in makes me think I could care less if there was a code blue on every one of the patients on the floor I work on. I hate these moods.

 

[Ted Moen]

Sounds like you expressed some feelings you needed to express. Anytime your therapist stumbles on a trigger and subsequent release of intense feelings it is a good day in therapy. It should lead to some good follow up sessions.

Ted

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((majidah)))))

You've got a strong 'fight' response. That's a good thing to have, as it kept you alive.

Try not to beat yourself up about it. Sounds like it was a good session for the T. to be able to really see where you are. Don't worry about her...she's seen plenty of it if she's been at it for awhile. She has her own support system and will deal with it on her own.

It is a rare T. who comes from a 'Leave It To Beaver' family in my experience. But does it matter, so long as she is both able and willing to help?

Take care of yourself, take what you can from the experience, and try to go back to your next appointment.

You're doing well to face this dreck.

 

[Abrasky]

The therapist having seen it before is true. She would know what is going on.

Reactions to particular ideas and words is how the therapist tries to learn what is going on with you. It sounds like you have a good therapist there actually. To get that kind of response requires a good therapist.

Therapy is not hard all the times, but when something really important is getting turned over, often there will be strong reactions to them. Be kind to yourself and take care. "You are learning" as my therapist would say.

 

[Meadowsweet]

It doesn't seem like failed therapy Majidah. Your therapist was able to see the effect that this is having on you, and that gives her some understanding to work with.

But also, you're here, talking about it and wanting to do make changes to how you feel and react. So thats a real positive.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ehhh...just don't make a habit out of it. I was fired by two therapists because of my anger issues. Nice, huh? They didn't care about continuity of care and I was on my own! But I digress...

 

[Srain]

I have to agree with what has been said. I can strongly relate to your "fight" response. I have spoken tomy tdoc about these "episodes" and we have talked about how I can deal with them. It is one of the main reasons I go.

You did well to keep talking in that mode and then to follow-up on here. I would hope that your tdoc will follow-up with YOU as it makes a huge a difference if you are to continue to seek recovery with her. It sounds to me that you have much to be angry about and that there may be a lot of pain beneath that. Keep moving forward. Good work!

Peace,
Rain

 

[anthony]

All perfectly normal. Your boyfriend was right to force you towards the appointment... as you obviously needed an impartial party to release some anger towards.

I would highly suggest you book another appointment ASAP with them and see what prevails. Apologize... listen, learn, get angry again if it helps.

Was it really failed? You went when you didn't want to. You got some anger out of you that would have possibly been unleashed at someone without training to handle it. You did something you didn't want to do, and stuck with it even though you got angry. Failure? I wouldn't agree with that...

Anger brings out the truth...

 

[majidah]

Well on the good side I did get a call from her and she asked if we could meet. Good news is I still have a therapist. Yet, therapy is now an hour a day 5 days a week. She's still set on giving me meds. I'm not sure about that part yet. I'd like to deal with this without it. She agreed to discuss it on Monday.

 

[anthony]

Sounds like positive progress...