Day Three

[becvan]

Well my withdrawals are manageable today. Keep getting a migraine on and off.. Wait.. this is for my emotions.. let's backtrack that one.

Okay, so I'm feeling very anxious about tomorrow. I'm also feeling pressured. We kinda sloughed the day off at Ryans just hanging out and relaxing. It was nice but now I'm paying for it.

I'm still feeling very overwhelmed. I'm also feeling as if.. I'm how do I describe this? Um.. That I'm taking more from Ryan than I'm giving? What do I call that? Anyways it makes me very uneasy feeling. Like I should be doing more.

I'm also feeling guilty about Matt. Guilty about him going, guilty for feeling so upset over it, guilty for looking for a break, guilty for freaking needing it.

I'm also excessively worried that they won't want him to come home. (I know... unreasonable fears.. I keep fearing that they will want him in foster care, as I will be seen as unfit with my PTSD.) So hey, I guess I'm fearful too.

Damn that's a lot more feelings than I thought I had. I'm also very tired.

bec

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Bec

I know very little about PTSD but I do know a lot of parents feel guilt over their children for a variety of reasons. I think the person usually toughest on a parent is the parent themselves.

You are obviously doing the best you can and that is something to be proud of and no-one can ask any more of you.

Hoping you feel less guilty today and school goes well for Matt.