Dealing With Low Confidence With Work

[SeekingAfrica]

I work for myself, directly with clients. But, the thing is, I could have had the same kind of job in traditional setting, working with clients, and I think it can be applied anyway.

The thing is, a part of me knows I am good enough. That I can be a lot more successful than I actually am, that I can do a lot more work, in quantity and quality. I always aced classes from a child until I finished my education. I love to read a lot and learn new things. I have a BA degree. I have worked freelance for years, and managed to support myself and on the way learned about how internet work works, advertising, business, promotion, PR, branding, blogging and a lot of new skills. Every time I've been okay enough to try, I've had no issue finding more clients and projects to work on....I have many creative skills and I'm often told I'm creative and talented in certain areas...

...And on the flipside, there is the whole PTSD-and-low-confidence factor. PTSD/anxiety/depression makes me really tired at times, also sometimes I have flashbacks that are so bad I end up having to skip half day of work and catch up the next. I'm doing therapy and meds(low dose), but I still feel bad about how I'm dealing with my work situation. So often I am so bad health wise that I just do day to day tasks and forget to look for new projects, which leads to ups and downs in my income flow, which creates additional stress. Also even though I know all the things in the upper paragraph are true, since I've been dealing with PTSD, my confidence about handling anything kind of shattered (before therapy I worked closed at home for a long time because going on a bus caused me to panic-so you start to feel like you can't handle even basic tasks). So now even with all proof to the contrary, a part of me feels like who am I to think I can have successful job, or even an okay one, that I am good enough whatsoever. And then I end up doing mediocre last moment okay work, on projects where by any signs, I should excel at, because I'm too anxious, I doubt myself at every step and stop myself with negative self-talk before I have even started a project.

I still do enough to get by and live on. But I can do so much more, I have every skill and opportunity, if I didn't self-sabotage myself constantly. I don't know how to feel more positive about this and not put myself down even when I'm doing okay.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Yep, I enjoy working for myself too and will certainly enlarge my capacities within different branches of work to continue learning and to hopefully succeed in my future endeavors. I love learning, creativity has always been one of my strong points, will always continue on that road for sure.
Self confidence has been much easier for me since I learned that I have every reason to be proud of myself. Dealing with a lot of very nasty criminals who are stalking me and abusing me who try to tear me down, who try to deny my capabilities. The people that I am forced to deal with are very ugly indeed.

I just found out about a female coworker who is a rapist, she hates me knowing this, even though I have never openly accused her of it, but now I know exactly what she is guilty of, she is repulsive in the highest degree.

 

[Friday]

I still do enough to get by and live on. But I can do so much more, I have every skill and opportunity, if I didn't self-sabotage myself constantly. I don't know how to feel more positive about this and not put myself down even when I'm doing okay

Something I'm working on right now is changing some of my core beliefs that are getting in my way. Especially in the realm of self-sabotage (saboteur is such a sexy word for such an annoying reality :shifty: ). If you haven't come across those concepts, yet?

Finding Negative Core Beliefs - Uncover Your True Beliefs

Imported - Where To Begin? Finding Negative Core Beliefs

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Something I'm working on right now is changing some of my core beliefs that are getting in my way. Espec...

I haven't seen those, thank you.

I took a quick look, and I have seen something like the first one, once when I was look at different therapies. It wasn't CBT, but some other behavioral therapy, where the point was you say the problematic thoughts you are having and then you keep questioning them and figuring out the faulty logic in them, until you understand that just because you feel A about B, doesn't mean that C. (with therapist of course)

Anyway, I'll try to figure out if I can use that for my beliefs too. I have been in a work slump (just going through the days and doing the most necessary) for few weeks, and travelling for few weeks before...so today I gave myself a day off, and tomorrow I have to start working on my work issues and seeing what are the next steps. Because I really don't like the way I'm dreading work lately, it's not good for my health.

 

[LadyZane]

I'm the same way. Excelled effortlessly all through school, and still didn't think I was capable of anything but waitressing until my early 30s. I remember once in community college staying up all night to finish a research paper for an Honors Art History class that I was convinced wasn't good enough. I even stress-puked from the pressure. My teacher said it was the best paper she'd ever read in 30 years of teaching. I thought the assignment was to produce something on par with the reading we'd received all semester, and so I pushed myself into creating it. Those were written by researchers with advanced degrees and published in peer-reviewed international journals!! Sometimes I think that having a completely unstable world growing up and no reliable adult guidance means I have no sense of realistic standards, so I end up believing that the very highest standards are the ONLY standards, and those are what I need to live up to, and it feels so out of reach most of the time that I can't imagine trying. No sense of what steps to take to get there incrementally.

I have similar professional struggles as well. Good at what I do, but feel I've hit a self-imposed ceiling at my current job--like this goofy little agency limping along refusing to incorporate common business strategy best practices is a comfort zone for me. When I see openings for places that are more competitive and more creative, I constantly compare myself to the other people on their staff that I imagine are wild creative Mozarts, and feel that there's no way I'd ever fit in. I know I've been selling myself short my whole life and I have such a hard time being able to tell when I'm doing it.