Dom Violence Dealing with Past Trauma and Current Family Dynamics

[sleepysloth]

Hi. This is my first post here (besides in introductions). I just need to get this off of my chest.

For context, I still live at home with my parents and my sister.

This past weekend, my sister had an outburst at me for sitting where she wanted to sit. She got so upset that she dumped a bottle of cold water on me and the couch I was sitting on. Needless to say, I was shocked and I immediately started having a reaction related to my PTSD. My hands started shaking and I couldn't shake a sense of being unsafe for a day or two after this happened. When I told my parents, I thought they might reprimand my sister for doing that to me. Instead, they blamed me for provoking her. This made me feel very small and defensive. All I was doing was sitting on the couch when my sister yelled at me and dumped water on me.

Then, during the conversation my family was having at the dinner table about this event, my dad in defense of my sister said to me: "like you didn't kick and hit your sister." This made me extremely upset for two reasons. First, I was a child when I was having those fights with my sister. I was maybe 10 - 13 years old, she was also a child, 8 - 11 years old. I did not have full control of my emotions, and I do not think it is fair to compare a 13 year old to a 20 year old (my sister's age). I have apologized to my sister for hurting her. She did not deserve to be hurt by me or anyone. The second reason this statement made me upset was because my dad said that as if HE didn't hurt me? He used to hit me and I was terrified of him as a child. I can't believe that he would try to justify my sister's outburst because of what I did as a child but not hold himself accountable for what he did as an adult.

Just feeling very alone in this right now : (

 

[Movingforward10]

Yeah, I'm sorry all that has happened.
Sounds like your family will not, or can't, see reason. So trying to get them to see reason and support you, is going to cause you lots of disappointment and heartache.
Sometimes with people like that it's best to limit contact. Which as you live with them, is clearly hard to do.
Are you able to build a plan for moving out?
In the meantime, maybe managing your expectations of them? They will side with you sister. Your sister has no boundaires with her behaviour (she clearly hasn't been taught them and it your fault anyways in your family's narrative).
It sounds like they won't accept or hear your feelings or thoughts, so finding a way of living there with them but keeping a distance might be the way forward?

Sorry your family are like that and treat you like that.

 

[Deleted member 53623]

Hi sleepysloth, It sounds terrible what happened. and of course the dynamics in your family of origin. !
I know it makes you feel really lonely when sides are taken like that, and in ways that are totally unfair, To me it used to feel surreal.

I of course think your parents were so very wrong for defending your sister, and on top of it blame You for what happened! Talk about twisted. I emphasize.

Hope you can distance yourself emotionaly from them, in some way. Until you are able to find a physicaly and emotionaly safe space for you.

No wonder your PTSD was really triggered by what happened. Really difficult.

Lightblues