Dealing With People Who Deny You

[Tanishq]

Generally I don't mind, but if I keep seeing them denying me. It would make me angry and shut off.

How do you deal with people who deny you? Suppose there are times that you are forced to face this person who constantly denies you. You can't avoid them.

 

[JustBe]

I avoid everyone Jaret, so I'm no help here! Sorry! :(

 

[Tanishq]

When they get tired of our avoidance, they will stop at sometime. *idea bulb sparked*

 

[Philippa]

What do you mean by 'deny you'? Denies you what?

 

[Tanishq]

Philippa, This happens with my family. If I am telling them I am stressed and I am trying to come out of it. They would say, it's very easy to come out. They would say I am not stressed and won't believe if I am going to explain about this. I try to avoid their phone.

It would trigger me to explain them more and in the end I will get tired. So I have decided to ignore this people as much as possible.

 

[Philippa]

Ah I see. I am used to calling this behavior negating and invalidating, rather than denying. I was confused by the wording you used, that's all.

Yes, it' svery hard to be told that you aren't feeling what you are feeling...and very disrespectful as well.

 

[Tanishq]

Philippa, Sorry for making bit hard to read. I have learned something new today. Thank you for sharing lesson and sharing supportive words. :)

 

[Britt.f7]

I no longer bring anything up in front of them. I learned a long time ago that I can not change their minds, but I could change the way I deal with them. It has, sometimes, meant less contact. I don't want to cut off all contact. That would probably be easier.

 

[Tanishq]

I do make mistakes in changing myself. I will take whole thing too personally and will not think to contact that person again. I cut off from people who constantly tells me that they deny me and force me to believe in them.

Thank you Britt for your opinion. I have asked to change myself for not taking things too personally. Answers are falling in my way. :)

 

[Violet03]

I can relate to Jaret. Some people in my life invalidate not only my feelings but what I've been through. Like Jaret, I have no idea how to deal with this. It brings up so many confusing feelings for me.

I have always known my mother-in-law has said things about me that are not true. It hurts but I try to ignore everything & pretend I either don't know or don't care. Then last night my daughter tells me some of the things my mother-in-law told her bothers her. She said she doesn't believe them but is confused. I told her she can ask me anything & I would tell her.

Apparently my mother-in-law thought it was appropriate to tell my 14-year old daughter a bunch of lies and stories about the time period right before I met them when I was raped and got pregnant with my daughter. (My daughter just found out last year that's how I got pregnant with her). She said I wasn't really raped. That I just made that up. She said a lot more lies too.

All of this hurts so much. Especially since the day my daughter tells me this is the same day I had a therapy session where I had a flashback of that rape! How do I deal will this type of behavior? I guess I can understand why they say these things. I never told anybody what happened. I just shut down and pretended it didn't happen. I was pregnant with a mystery child. Nobody knew where she came from.

I reacted this way because it was what I was used to. I had been dealing with SA and trauma all my life. I was taught to keep these things a secret. I was also taught nobody would believe me if I told. My mother-in-law in a small way validates that. Even my husband has questioned me on this before. These actions add to the intense guilt I already have over these events in my life.

My question is similar to Jaret's. How do deal with the intense negative feelings these actions by others bring up for me? I have already been struggling with suicidal thoughts/feelings for a few weeks now. I am nothing but a burden to everyone around me because of my PTSD. Now I know some people blame me as much as I blame myself.

Sorry this is so long. This is just the only place I feel safe getting things out.

 

[Tanishq]

I am nothing but a burden to everyone around me because of my PTSD.

Hi Violet03. I am sorry that you have been very rough phases in your life. You deserve love and care like everyone deserves. you're not burden on anyone. I can understand you're trying to resolve something which demands long term care and kind treatment.

I am glad to know that you find this place very safe and helpful. :)

I agree with you lying too much will damage so many things. It will take time t settle out your truth and one day your daughter will understand you. You have been good mother to her. You're ignoring other things, that's fine. It doesn't mean you ignoring everything, in fact you're willing to support your daughter. What could be bigger than this? It's all fine. Don't pay attention to other who are lying and ignoring you.

How do deal with the intense negative feelings these actions by others bring up for me?

I think we have dealt with rough past. We didn't see much healthy communications. It depends why we get surrounded by ignorant people. There will be always reason behind this. Try to find it out.

For myself, I never got healthy attention and love, care from my parents. They kept neglecting me and I didn't get enough time to raise my confidence. So I started asking to random people and started being neglected. Now I figured out, asking at wrong place and talking with people who deny others won't be much helpful for me.

Violet03, you deserve good friends in your life. Who understand you and give you support.

Please know, this is very tricky thing to figure out due to PTSD. You will get your answer, just keep asking. :) If there are other things, you can share it here.

 

[Britt.f7]

Violet03, your husband really needs to step up and tell his mother to back off. This isn't only effecting you, it is now effecting your child. He needs to support you. I believe the longer a person goes on saying untruths, and getting away with it, they start to believe they are being validated. Confrontation is hard. I don't expect you to do it. It's your husbands mother and he needs to stand up for you.

It is good that you opened up to your daughter. I hope that can ease some of your shame, because I know you wouldn't want her to feel that. I also know that telling you you shouldn't feel shame doesn't make it so. I wish it did though. It also says something about your relationship with your daughter.

I wish you strength during what must be very challenging.