Sufferer Dealing with retraumatization

[jade53]

@Swift
Thank you and whoever determined something as intangible as moral injuries are to anyone else. It also explains why unless obvious trauma, so many normal people have difficulty identifying with "what your problem is with that".

 

[jade53]

Again thank-you for the morals injury definition. It's given me an incredible epiphany after all the years trying to get someone to comprehend what my problem is and has been with people that either pretend to have integrity, or are more narcissistic than they've made me have to try and learn to be better than.

Except how can anybody prove to a narcissist that they're better than them without being worse than they are?

 

[Friday]

Except how can anybody prove to a narcissist that they're better than them

Easy.

The methods to break a person down until they believe they’re less than & you’re better than them are super well documented.

Of course, after abusing and torturing them into believing that, you won’t actually BE better than them, anymore.

The person to prove it to? Isn’t them. They aren’t the important one who needs to believe you’re better. You are. You’re the person you need to convince. Their opinion doesn’t matter. Yours does. They aren’t the center of the universe you need to orbit around, proving shit to.

 

[jade53]

@Friday
Thanks, I appreciate that very much. In a sense I have somewhat recovered from the biggest narcissist I've unknowingly had to deal with all my life until really dropping his mask even accusing me of trying to compete with him when I divulged I'd been dealing with mine since after 1996, if not before.

He actually means squat now after our father asked me to understand him like he does after his traumatic event, and all I could say is he only got worse with me after, to the point I can't tolerate him now with mine. Not after all the gas-lighting he's done and then made the cardinal mistake of accusing me of making it up.

The ones I'm talking about having to overcome are the professionals whose opinions matter so much it was safer to spend a few years teaching English in Asia until I recovered enough to carry the battle on at the home front. I figured chances were better of accomplishing that after a few years teaching business English than they'd ever be if I allowed myself to continue being considered mentally disabled.and got considered dangerous again. Then all I could ever do was sit on the steeple and spit at the people for the rest of my life because nobody listens to the truth from a bigger fruitcake than I am now.

 

[Swift]

Narcissists have a great way of not letting the truth get in the way of the facts.
My working definition of trauma is "something that fundamentally alters your view of the world and your place in it."
Are the professionals having trouble understanding the extent of the injury?
To put it another way, do people seem to think it just isn't that bad?

To me, there's two types of trauma. There's 'bang!' Trauma, which is a sudden and Very Bad event like a car crash or a one-off assault.
Then there's 'slow burn' trauma, situational trauma or developmental trauma, that's insidious like poison gas.
I didn't realize I wasn't breathing oxygen until I was away from the poison gas.

I think slow-burn trauma, long-term trauma, can mess with your head a lot more, and your beliefs about yourself and stuff. It's been the hardest to undo for me.

 

[Briar Rose]

@Swift: I just want to say I really like your description with the poisonous gas breathing!
Although I was aware of my long term trauma, I didn’t realise how toxic it really was until I breathe fresh air again.
And this goes hand in hand with the point of some people trying to minimize the suffering, because of the missing 'bang' as you said.

 

[Swift]

Yeah, that's exactly how it was with the gas for me too.
I do have a fair few 'bangs', which occured concurrently with the 'slow burn' stuff.
People assume that the 'bang' stuff is the only stuff that matters.
It's a bunch less stigmatized to have 'bang' trauma, both in the therapeutic profession and outside.
For what it's worth, I don't know the specifics, but I'm certain that it was "bad enough", otherwise you wouldn't be here.

 

[Briar Rose]

I guess I have a ‘gas-part’ and some ‘bangs’ aswell.
I was born with a genetic disease which causes me orthopaedic issues and had a lot of surgery’s as a young child, around two years old till I was twenty years old. Stopped counting at 30. Pain and fear of death were things I had to deal with very early in my life.
The other factor are my parents and their poor treatment. Especially my mother, I don’t know how to explain her behaviour, cruel I guess.
(Edit.: I am so sorry, but i had to delate a part of my text because i started really, really anxious about it.
Opening up is a hard thing for me! Hope you all don't mind! Maybe it was to early for me to talk about this part of my life.
@Swift: Thank you for your words! I feel with you, and i hope you don't mind, but i was starting to feel very unsecure)
This is the gas part of my trauma then there were a few bangs in my life.
The doctor making mistakes, which causes unfixable damage. Emergency surgerys because of doctors mistreatment, and a near death experience in my very last surgery.

Sometimes it feels like my whole life just seems to be a big traumatic situation.

 

[Swift]

Far out, @Briar Rose, I'm so so sorry for what you went through.
Medical trauma is hardcore stuff.
I wasn't sick, but my mum had the same reaction to my general existence, and I met someone sexually abusive and I was easy prey, I guess.
You're not alone here.

 

[katz]

Hi!

I was a silent reader over the last month, and now decided to join the forum. First of all i ha...

I want to be sure and welcome you to the forum. We're all here helping ourselves, and sharing support with you.