Dealing With Suppressed Memories

[chelleighbean]

Hello everyone,

I'm so glad I found this forum. My name is Michelle. I am 41 years old and live in Michigan. I am relatively new to this whole PTSD drama that seems to consume my day to day life.

About 8 months ago, I started to recall repressed memories from the time I spent in the military. It was like a flood gate had opened and all of the sudden, I was a completely different person. All of the sudden, the tiniest things that normally would be just brushed off would become overwhelming.

After I was diagnosed with PTSD related to Military Sexual Trauma, I slowly became aware of the fact that I have actually been suffering for years. Little habits of mine, such as always having to sit in corners where I could see the whole room, began making sense.

I am currently in therapy, but it seems that things are getting worse instead of getting better. I'm hoping it is just because of the repressed memories and that eventually things will be back on a more even keel someday.

In seeking out more information on how to cope with day to day stress, I came across this support forum. I'm hoping I will be able, with continued therapy and access to others who suffer the same symptoms, gain a better understanding of my condition and be able to overcome the obstacles that I deal with day to day.

 

[Manic11]

Let me start of by saying welcome to the forum! Good for you for seeking help.

I understand how hard (and sometimes frustrating) it can be to deal with repressed memories. I'm dealing with that myself too. But you need to remember that whether or not you remember the exact memory or whether or not you know exactly why you have certain feelings, you can change them. Try to notice how you're feeling or acting when you do these things such as hyper-vigilance (sitting in the corner to see the whole room) or maybe fiddling with something, crossing your arms, etc. Try to take control of that and use self-talk. Even if you don't believe it, say over and over again that you're safe, you're okay, etc. Anything you want to say to yourself. Again, even if you don't believe it yet, you have to fake it til you make it.

I hope this helps some and I hope you find the help you're looking for.

Manic

 

[Michel]

Hello Michelle, and welcome. I have had to deal with not "Military" but what I suppose you could call marital sexual trauma, but I would guess there are some commonalities in our experiences. I can certainly relate to looking back, post-diagnosis, and seeing PTSD in behavior where I had not seen it before.

Hope your therapy is useful; mine is cruel, excessive, involuntary, and very unwelcome (apologies to those who are tired of hearing about this). But truly I write to welcome you! I also hope you find the forum helpful. I most certainly have.

 

[chelleighbean]

Manic,

The biggest problem there, I think, is that I'm not always aware that I'm being hyper-vigilant. It's only when others point it out to me that I notice. I do use self talk all the time, especially when I'm having a particularly bad anxiety attack. I will sit and rock and tell myself over and over that I am safe, I am o.k., there's nothing wrong with my heart, there's nothing wrong with my breathing. Sometimes it's enough to do it by myself, other times I need someone else there to confirm that I am, indeed, safe and healthy.

I never considered using this method in other situations, however. Thanks for the advice. I will try that next time I notice I'm being a little edgy.

Chel

 

[chelleighbean]

Michel,

I understand where you are coming from as far as cruel therapy. I have dealt with this somewhat. When I admitted myself to a VA Hospital for a severe depression attack, I found myself in circumstances that were not at all the best for me. I'm sorry you are having such a bad go of it right now. Thank you for your reply.

Chel