General Depression And Sleep

[dandi]

Right now, my husband is depressed, his sleep schedule is getting worse and worse, and I worry about him. I've worked from home the past two days, so I got to see just how much he sleeps (often from 4 or 5 am until 6 or 7 pm). Then he gets up, takes his medication, eats something, maybe takes a shower, and soon disappears to his room/computer all night. As a consequence, he barely talks to people, hardly sees any daylight, and I know of 3 therapist appointments he's missed during the past weeks.

We talk to each other, but once the subject gets to the “elephant in the room,” it’s thin ice. We've talked about it a little; I told him I hate to see him feeling like this. He tells me I'm too impatient and “expecting change too quickly.” He’d really like me to go away until he wakes up and everything is magically better, which I’m not at all convinced will happen.

Maybe I do tend to get too optimistic about therapy, but man, this is so hard to watch. I do hear things often get a lot worse after therapy starts working before they can get better. I also know others have been through much worse. Still… he's never been quite this bad. And missing therapy can’t possibly be helping. I can’t make him go, though.

What do you think? Has anyone else been through this? I’m at a loss.

 

[Jawn]

I think you will find a lot of carers here who can relate to what you are dealing with. This is not unusual behavior for someone with PTSD. Your husband sounds like he is not really ready to face the therapy part of things right now. You can not force him to go and you can not fix him yourself. Try to be supportive, but also step back and give him some space and see what happens. He will not get better until he decides he wants to.

Many of us carers have been in your shoes, or maybe still are to some extent, and all I can say is that you need to educate yourself and have patience.....lots and lots of patience. I also recommend you getting someone to talk to about this as well. I found it helped a great deal to get my own T.

Good luck and hang in there,

Jawn

 

[dandi]

I wish I could get my own - we just can't afford it right now. Since my husband is in college, he can go through the uni's health center almost for free, but I'd have to pay a hefty office fee each visit. And money is tight around here these days. Would probably stress me out more than it's worth. ;-)

Thanks for your reply, Jawn! It's good to get the general feedback that I'm already more on the side of "too" involved than "not enough." Believe it or not, I don't even know any more. Oh well, I'm still new to this (not his behavior, but under the light of knowing it's due to PTSD). Glad this forum exists!

 

[amethist]

I am having a bit of a sleep issue with my husband just now, he says he is constantly tired. Still not sure if his meds need tweaking, or he is just in a depressive mode just now.

As Jawn says you cannot fix him, and if he is not receptive to therapy at the moment there is nothing you can do about this either. He may well have a light bulb moment, where he himself realises that he cannot go on like he is.

Being too involved can cause your own health issues, as you seem to already know. Sometimes we just have to step back and take care of our selves, to be able to carry on caring for them. It is hard but it is possible, maybe being here you can let out your own feelings of frustration and fears. This on it's own can be an enormous help, knowing others understand how all this is taking it's toll on you.

Amethist

 

[ISupportHer]

As I see it, the sleep issue can be either extreme. It has not been unusual for my wife to sleep for over 14 hours at a time. Sometimes, the sleep is hard to come by, however. What concerns me just as much is his time of day he sleeps. Up all night and is isolating himself. This too is something many carers can identify with. The isolation tactics anyway, if not being awake all night. For some it's video games.

ISH