Depression with family

[Pauline]

Hey everyone so I feel I am having flashbacks of my abuse but in different forms , it happens when I am with family I talk like a four year old I tell my siblings I want four and I'm scared of my dad

1 I say I want to be a little girl
2 I cry when I see younger girls
3 I say I'm scared of my dad and tell my brother i wish he was my dad instead
4 I tell my dad how I'm scared of him
5 i forget my age and sometimes become 4 or 7 years old I forget I'm 26
7 my distress levels are through the roof
8 I ask my dad why I'm so scared of him my siblings shut me down

I am wondering if anyone experiences childlike symptoms regression deep fear of a person from abuse I feel like this is my little girl trying to express the terror put onto her body it is causing me deep distress and loss of hope

 

[Mach123]

Yes I think it's normal. I don't have the symptoms the way you describe them and I wonder at the difference.

And yes the aftermath is depression and hopelessness because you look at how screwed up what you just felt is and you go like "forget it."

It's not though it can all be processed with the right kind of treatment.

I always had a hard time around little kids. It got better after raising my own kids but it used to just "turn me right back into a little kid."

 

[Pauline]

It's like when I see a four year old girl I feel pain all over my body and begin to cry and say I wished I was four years old I feel this deep overwhelming pain and sadness luckily my younger self is quite nice she likes turtles and bears I am shut down by my family a lot when I express my fear of my dad I notice when I am living by myself this never really happens

 

[Mach123]

Yes I understand there are a lot of triggers that take us back there and we relive the trauma or portions of it.

I'm sorry you are down and I hope you feel better.

All of my symptoms have grown less across the board through processing which to me means "rehashing" it over and over.

It's horribly painful and I wish I thought there was another way but aside from being medicated to where I cant feel anything, which is just as messed up as being entirely symptomatic, I don't know.

I hope you are with a therapist and going over these feelings which are so difficult. : (