Deserved Guilt, Eating Me Alive...

[Lionheart]

Thank you everyone for your understanding and support. Unfortunately there are no assisted living facilities closer to us than where my brother is currently staying. I wish that there were, it would make things so much easier on him and the entire family.

I do feel some relief as I was able to tell my brother that I love and miss him and he echoed the sentiment back to me. That made me feel good, but I was also laboring under the false assumption that I was a bad brother and so I had all this guilt.

Since reading everyone's replies I no longer think the same way and consequently, I am letting myself off of the hook.

I forgive myself because I thought I was making a promise to him that would be of the best benefit for him at the time. Since then I have come to understand that I cannot provide the level of care that a person with schizophrenia needs to have.

My brother was in his early teens when he developed schizophrenia and so I knew him for years before he became ill. Also I was there when he had his first schizophrenic episode, which was distressing to witness and so I have seen the difference between his being well and being ill.

I read a report recently that said that schizophrenia is not one disorder, but is rather a group of brain disorders and so progress is being made towards better treatment for the illness.

Anyways, I really appreciate every single reply to this thread!!!! You guys are amazing and I can always count on you to be honest with me and to help me look at the situation from all sides.

I am working on getting reliable transportation so I can at least visit with my brother more often. This will allow me to spend quality time with him, hug him, and tell him in person that I love him.

 

[joeylittle]

I read a report recently that said that schizophrenia is not one disorder, but is rather a group of brain disorders and so progress is being made towards better treatment for the illness.

This is true. Also, if it helps, there is now a decent amount of anecdotal data showing that young men who present with schizophrenia and some of the bipolar types in their late teens can be seen to have significant symptom decrease as they move into their mid-thirties. Not quite like growing out of it, but almost. I do know that my own brother got way, way less symptomatic just over the course of the last year (he's turning 35). Some of that is medication adjustment, but some of it seems to be his brain shifting, too.

I'm glad you are forgiving yourself, because you really are looking at all of this in a very healthy way.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

When you said you were letting yourself off of the hook my response was good for you and I am so glad you are doing this.

 

[hodge]

I am so glad you are letting yourself off the hook! And also glad you are looking into transportation to visit your brother. Don't doubt that you made the right decision.

 

[czlucar]

Please don't let a stigmatizing psychiatric label define how you see your brother. Psychiatrists give these labels based on what a patients says and how he/she behaves. There are no physiological tests, so patients can get different diagnoses depending on the psychiatrist they see. And oftentimes people diagnosed with schizophrenia are really just suffering from the effects of trauma. There are psychiatrists who criticize psychiatry for not being more trauma informed.

If you don't feel up to caring for your brother and think he would be better served elsewhere, that's fine, and maybe you can assuage your guilt by making sure he's treated well and giving him hope. Many recover, even without drugs, when someone believes in them. Hope all goes well for you and your brother.