General Despair

[Deleted member 28812]

I like you and I want to help and that is why I am gonna say what I am gonna say.

I think it is not good for a man to have "nothing to do". I don't know your guy, but mine who is also from a military family had the idea of serving others drummed into his head. Fortunately there are several ways to help others, like charity or just helping out in church or helping your neighbours.

I think he needs to give civvies a chance. I know that there are vets who say they have (military) brothers and they have (civilian) friends and they don't ask their friends for anything cause they cannot be trusted and don't need to ask their friends for anything because they know what they need anyway.
Maybe this is part of a problem. If you do not aks a person the person may not know what you need and not be able to help.

I think that some vets expect people to be mindreaders. Maybe they are mindreaders in the military, who knows.

Civvies complain about being hungry or tired.

Same problem again. If you don't tell people they cannot help you.
I don't know if your guy is like mine in this. Mine has the uncanny ability to read minds. Sometimes - only sometimes. When we just had met we went out with a group of people. I was cold and he gave me his jacket. I carry that in my heart, how did he know? The weather was rather sunny but I felt cold because I did not sleep well in the night before. That was so sweet. Anyway. Most people cannot read minds and if you want them to do something for them you gotta tell them and if somethings bugs you you need to "whine". You need to do what a vet would call "whining" or nobody will hear you and then you have antother reason to complain about the lousy civvies.

This vets who hold that opinion don't give civvies a chance to my mind... and don't give themselves a chance to make new friends.

Civvies don't have each others backs - in fact they often stab each other in the back!

Do you backstab? I know I don't!

Maybe our ex military members can say if the agree with what I said.

 

[Peach]

I would send hubby a text confirming the details of when he needed to pick me up. I wouldn't mention alternatives as this would mean he had to make a decision, which would stress him out more than following through with the original plan of picking me up.

Yes, yes, yes! That's something I've gleaned over time, yet I still sometimes forget because it doesn't come up very often, and hasn't fully implanted itself into my brain. I tend to offer options, but with big things, it has worked out better a couple of times when I took the reigns, said "This is what I want. Will that work for you? "

 

[Ronin]

@Sighs - what about volunteering with veterans services, law enforcement, security one way or the other?

As to stabbing in the back... well, I wouldn't know about that. I get the feeling, the proximity, the gap for a lack of a better word; but there's still a chance to seek out people who just don't backstab, without throwing out hopes as a beginning and also ending stance.

There's another way to look at it - even if uncommandable, people can be resources, people can be support, about aspects he's not having, sparing his work. Let civvies think about details that drive him cashews, think about things he can. I think it's a fair division.

(Or, wouldn't know about him. Going by what I've done with my relationships with civilians I couldn't just teach, or didn't want to, where even though, I really wanted to be with them, because of other things connecting us more than dividing.)