Destructive Words

[Tanishq]

Someone told me I am pretending to have bladder problems just to get an attention. It made me feel that person was avoiding me, judging me all time. I have been always honest with them. Why would I pretend bearing so many problems in my life?

"Pretending" this word reminded me past wounds where people were judging me and blaming me. It has hurt me much. They told me this all last week, but still I am unable to get over with this conversation with them.

I have lost everything for this person. I have no love or friendship for this person. More over they even did not ask for apology for making a guess at me. They had good impression in my mind, now that's also gone.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm so sorry that happened. I hate when people think you are just trying to get attention. I feel like that a lot. When you are feeling better maybe you can ask them if they know how badly that affects you.

 

[Tanishq]

I had feeling that they are upto avoiding me. When I shared nice moments with them, they did not respond to them. I feel I should have understood this all that time and I would have avoided this triggering moment.

I feel like there is no point in continuing friendship with them. just plainly disconnect and move on for forever. Other side I think I should give ask them and let them know what they spoke. When I think this way, I feel what if they lie. They just pretend to be honest to make me feel good and carry on avoiding me. I am not good person handling multiple rejections.

 

[piratelady]

This is one thing I fear and one of the reasons I do not share my struggles with those around me. I worry that they will think I'm faking it, or seeking attention. I am sorry you are being treated in such a way. Do you really need to keep this person in your life?

 

[Tanishq]

I shared much more personal things with this person. I thought they are also honest and judges less. They go for perception. They give healthy attention. Now since they have spoken this word, it sounds they were already judging me from starting. I have lost trust over them.

No, I don't keep such people in my life who even don't have manners to ask something. I don't know I am being hard on themselves or not. But No, I don't feel there is a need to keep them in my life.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It really stinks when you confide in a friend because you're looking for genuine support and they think you are just looking for attention.

This happened to me a few weeks ago with a friend I've had for a few years. I wish I could say that we talked things out, but I decided to end the friendship. Sometimes when you lose trust for someone, you realize that it's best to just move on rather than try and fix things.

I wish you the best, as I know it's a hard place to be.

 

[Tanishq]

Thank you SOL.

It feels like they never respected my honesty. Starting they showed me genuine support and told me some words that resonated with me. I used to feel supported by them. but some of their actions from last couple of months and this destroyed me.

I even don't know whether they will be interested in fixing this trust. it must be game for them.

 

[Srain]

((((((((Jaret)))))))))))))))

That must have been extremely hurtful :(. I'm so sorry.

I hope that are able to do what you need to for yourself in this case.
Take good care of yourself,
Rain

 

[The Albatross]

Jaret, sometimes even well intentioned people say thoughtless things. (Guilty myself on this score.) Honest assessment of the situation weighed against the value of the relationship with the person is helpful. Sometimes I pause to consider, what was going on just prior to the comment (either that I made or that someone else made). Then with that information I make a choice, realizing that I am just as capable of making a thoughtless comment when I am overtired, stressed, distracted, or whatever.

I think part of what I needed to learn- was conflict resolution. In my abusive home as a child and in my first marriage, I had no model how to do this. It is something my husband (who has the same issues) and I have been trying to learn.

Doubtless, you can think back and recount many thoughtless and hurtful things that people have said in your life. Sometimes I get some clarity and put them on a scale. from the worst (number 100) to the least (number 1). Then I can put the situation on my scale. I can see where it falls --- it helps me in my decision making.

Life is about relationships... we essentially are primates and social beings. I tend to think that people presented to me are there to "teach" me something or that it is an opportunity for growth. I can deal with the emotional aspect better if I look at the bigger picture most times: What is the lesson in this?

 

[Tanishq]

I hope that are able to do what you need to for yourself in this case.

Yes, I am trying to gather my strength and keep myself on positive side. I am choosing to respond with some sanity. Not in anger. It has angered,too. This "pretending" does remind me of worst rejections I got in past.

Thank you Rain. :hug:

 

[Tanishq]

Jaret, sometimes even well intentioned people say thoughtless things. (Guilty myself on this score.)

I can deal with the emotional aspect better if I look at the bigger picture most times: What is the lesson in this?

This two things have makes me think a lot. One side I tell myself be ready to get rejection from them. The other side, I think what lesson can be here. I know there are some lessons, but they are very bitter to accept.

As I said, I do think they may have made mistakes, after all they are also human beings and with that it also confirms they have been rejecting from long time.

If I choose to continue that friendship, I will be very careful and I will limit many things.

Scale tool sounds helpful.

 

[Tanishq]

I think part of what I needed to learn- was conflict resolution. In my abusive home as a child and in my first marriage, I had no model how to do this. It is something my husband (who has the same issues) and I have been trying to learn.

This is where I am at the moment. No clue how to resolve this. It must have been frustrating for you when you were in such situations before.

Thank you for sharing "scale" Alby. :hug: