A
AprilShowers
I will make this as short as I can. In June of last year I noticed a complete and utter change in my husband, who has been diagnosed with PTSD. I thought we were Romeo and Juliet, even with his diagnosis. He began becoming incredibly mean to me verbally and we started having problems in the bedroom. At first I thought he was getting bored with me, that he was unattracted, but when I spoke to my few friends about it, they assured me is was not me. When that happened-I already KNOW I had no right to do so-so please do not beat me up, but yes, I turned into a snoop. I am not going into too many details, but I catch him in a lies daily. At first I just flat out confronted him, and instead of laughing it off as I would if confronted with something I did not do, be becomes very angry, tells me its all in my head, I am a psycho, I need help, etc. when I know what I see.
I spoke with my one friend who is an attorney. She told me to collect as much evidence as possible, and while doing so try to beat him at his own game, but whatever I do to not leave and let him win. Well, first of all I am not clever enough to beat him at his own game, secondly I cannot collect any evidence because I know he goes into my things, and thirdly what I did come across upset me so badly I couldn't stand to look at it. I could not bear it. The dating site sign ups, he did Facebook searches of women in our town, friends of friends, he goes to porn sites and things of that nature. He teaches AIT in the army and looks up his old privates. My lawyer even suggested to me that he may be a sociopath and/or predator.
This morning, curiousity got the best of me so i just clicked on one of his gmail accounts. (Oh I discovered he has about a dozen email accounts) Anyway, I went into his settings, and he put my phone number in there as his own and his ex-wife's (who hates me for some unknown reason) number as an account recovery phone number. All through our 10 year marriage he claims he despises her for the things she had done to him. I never think about my ex-husband, and always thought it odd the depth of the hate he had toward her. He also made a secret question: Who is the love of my life? I didn't even click on it-I could not bear to.
I have never loved a man like I do this man. I never trusted anyone like I did him. You all do not know me, so you cannot understand the depth of love I have for this man still. I just can't turn it off!!!!! I feel lonely, trapped, too ashamed to tell anyone else, and I have basically cut myself off from the world. All I do know is cry in private, my blood runs cold every time I hear a lie. I have no family, friends or anywhere to go but a shelter. i have threatened to leave him and he told me if I did he would make it as ugly as possible and leave me with no resources.
I just had to vent somewhere.
Thank you.
I spoke with my one friend who is an attorney. She told me to collect as much evidence as possible, and while doing so try to beat him at his own game, but whatever I do to not leave and let him win. Well, first of all I am not clever enough to beat him at his own game, secondly I cannot collect any evidence because I know he goes into my things, and thirdly what I did come across upset me so badly I couldn't stand to look at it. I could not bear it. The dating site sign ups, he did Facebook searches of women in our town, friends of friends, he goes to porn sites and things of that nature. He teaches AIT in the army and looks up his old privates. My lawyer even suggested to me that he may be a sociopath and/or predator.
This morning, curiousity got the best of me so i just clicked on one of his gmail accounts. (Oh I discovered he has about a dozen email accounts) Anyway, I went into his settings, and he put my phone number in there as his own and his ex-wife's (who hates me for some unknown reason) number as an account recovery phone number. All through our 10 year marriage he claims he despises her for the things she had done to him. I never think about my ex-husband, and always thought it odd the depth of the hate he had toward her. He also made a secret question: Who is the love of my life? I didn't even click on it-I could not bear to.
I have never loved a man like I do this man. I never trusted anyone like I did him. You all do not know me, so you cannot understand the depth of love I have for this man still. I just can't turn it off!!!!! I feel lonely, trapped, too ashamed to tell anyone else, and I have basically cut myself off from the world. All I do know is cry in private, my blood runs cold every time I hear a lie. I have no family, friends or anywhere to go but a shelter. i have threatened to leave him and he told me if I did he would make it as ugly as possible and leave me with no resources.
I just had to vent somewhere.
Thank you.
