Childhood Developmental Trauma

[crazyhorse69]

Hello,

I'm new to this forum, but have been reading some books about PTSD and one of their suggestions was finding online forums like this one and try to connect. I'm amazed and how well you all can describe or articulate yourselves, Alot of the way's I feel or feel put together, you guys describe. I find that early childhood survival behaviors or patterns are very difficult to break free from, emotionally I feel numb most all the time, withdrawn from life, weak, in-genuine, insincere, I've downloaded this book on my kindle and plan to read eat over the course of this month. I work out at sea, and have alot of time to myself to read and write. I spoke to a therapist for a while on skype a few days ago, about doing therapy, I self medicated with alcohol for many years but quite six years ago.

Nice to meet you all here,

 

[Chava]

Welcome @crazyhorse69 ...and good work on sobriety, checking on therapy and other resources for yourself. The early patterns are indeed hard to break. My later traumas just added more fuel to my self-destruction, dissociation, self-hatred, and avoidance. So I'm focusing less on the adult stuff at this point and more on the really old and deep patterns...they just took much longer to access (which isn't saying I even understand them very well yet, but it's much more clear how I default to these very young frozen places in relation to physical/body sensations and also connections to others...so I've had a long, very carefully limited existence so far...alcohol helped me for a while too, but ended up causing too many more problems, so I'm sober too).