Sufferer Diagnosed Cptsd

[MomOfTwo]

New to this forum and this is the first ptsd forum I have signed up for. I don't know anyone else that has suffered from PTSD or CPTSD before.

I grew up in a pretty abusive household but have forgiven both my parents and moved on from that. However I am stuck in a depressive phase that I just can't seem to get out of. There have been several deaths in my family this year and maybe that contributes to it and as well I have put in a civil lawsuit against someone who sexually assaulted me and the company he worked for as well. Court papers have been filed and the stress is unbearable. I feel sometimes like I just can't get through it and that I have ruined my life by going forward.

Financially life is a mess and I feel like hurting myself a lot. I have not acted on it but passively do by not eating or drinking all day and restricting food. It is a coping mechanism I guess. In sharing I think it feels like it is not as lonely a place. I never knew that my heart palpitations, anxiety, nightmares and insomnia were related to the abuse I suffered in the workplace.



<edited for paragraph breaks by Deaf Global Nomad>

 

[SeekingSerenity]

Hello MomOfTwo,

Welcome to the forum. You will find a lot of support and help here, and a lot of answers to your questions. But what you do need to do is get some professional help for your anxiety, and please stop the passive hurting. Your name says that you are a mother of two, so look after them, be good to them, and be good for them, don't let them grow up with silly ideas about their mum.

Have a look at the forum, you will find a lot of literature that will help you tremendously. Give it a try, you will be amazed at what the results can be...

Look after yourself, you are worth it.

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi Mo2, welcome to the forum.

Aside from seeking professional help, you may want to look into the resources section of the forum. There are lots of articles there to help you cope healthily with stress and anxiety as well as how to better understand those feelings.

I wish you all the best moving forward. You are very brave to seek legal measures and, of course, for posting your first thread.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Welcome to the forum!

I can identify with you when you say you want to hurt yourself but resort to more passive means. I am in the same boat right now. I am a recovering self-injurer (1 year, 3 months clean) and I am really wanting to start up again. It doesn't give me the same relief anymore (part of why I quit), but that doesn't stop my craving for the relief it brings. I'm struggling with my diet, swinging from thousand calorie+++ binges to restricting. I want to stop it all together, but know things change gradually.

Hugs,
SOL

 

[kimba]

Please take care of all of you. You need them and they need you. Welcome.

 

[workingwithc-ptsd]

New to this forum and this is the first ptsd forum I have signed up for. I don't know anyone else that has suffered from PTSD or CPTSD before.

Hi MomOfTwo,

Welcome to the forum. I joined this forum in December. So far, it has really helped me. I have actually noticed a change in my mood after joining. I was so angry that I didn't have anyone to validate my feelings. Like you, I didn't know anyone who had PTSD or C-PTSD for that matter. I didn't know anyone who could understand or relate to my experiences in life. But here you will find people who can relate to what your going through and who can empathise and also show their heartfelt support.

I would also like to say, please don't hurt yourself. I also had those thoughts. Thinking about hurting yourself is rage turned inwards. Rage that is really meant to be directed to your abusers. Sometimes when I have those thoughts. I picture my abuser and then punch my pillow until I am exhaused. Then I tell myself, "I survived, I am going to be okay". I try to be my own best friend, and to speak to myself with kindness. I know this may sound corny, but after a while it really starts to stick, and things get better.

And as for your court case, I applaud you! You are incredibly brave! You have NOT ruined your life, on the contrary, you will prevent other women from suffering from the same abuse. Bless you and remember we are here anytime you need to talk. :-)

 

[MomOfTwo]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I was hoping to have someone that understood what I am going through. I don't know anyone else that has had PTSD or would understand.
The company finally did something about him after I went forward even though other women had gone forward prior. I was so afraid for my job being lost that I called CrimeStoppers thinking they could do something to protect the women on the inside. Looking back though I don't think I would have gone forward had I known how hard it is on everyone involved. It robs you financially, emotionally and physically. The sickest part is he was the Human Resources manager. The person you are supposed to go to for harassment. The company is trying to say that the Human Resources Manager is responsible and not the company because they trained everyone in harassment. The did their due diligence so to speak however this man was allowed to do what he pleased and knew he was untouchable. They hide behind their policies that are written but not inforced or measured. I have little trust in men or large companies. Have no idea what to do with the rest of my life and just take each day by day. I have no dreams or ambitions but love my children and want the best for them. They are the only reason I go on.
I am seeing a therapist and not sure if it is the right fit or just me. I feel stuck and think it is the whole court process that has me stuck in constantly having to revisit something that makes me feel like I can't breathe. My therapist said to me last week that anxiety cannot kill you. I said to her stress can and people that commit suicide are stressed so I said stress kills people. She had to agree with me. I do need to find some way of managing anxiety because I am tired of switching meds and nothing really giving me any sort of relief. I used to be really good at compartmentalizing everything and saying to myself that was over and move on but I have difficulty with this in my life. The harassment lasted around 5 years so maybe it just takes a while. I felt like I was doing so well but that was prior to seeing all the court documents. Now I just feel lower than I ever have.

thanks again.

 

[Eleanor]

Hi MomofTwo - welcome to the forum!:)

The stress of legal stuff is huge - and (read the PTSD cup article) particularly so for those with PTSD. I'd be surprised if you weren't just plain old worn out with that and two kids to care for. Please cut yourself some slack, and notice that you are doing two things either of which would wear out a "normal" person. (Normal person who has done both talking here.) There is a lot of good information on managing anxiety (and just about everything else) here. Read around, everything new old, and especially the stickies at the top of the various forums. It is miraculous to me how very helpful this site is.

Hang in there and be good to yourself.

 

[MomOfTwo]

Hi MomofTwo - welcome to the forum!:)

The stress of legal stuff is huge - and (read the PTSD cup article) particularly so for those with PTSD. I'd be surprised if you weren't just plain old worn out with that and two kids to care for. Please cut yourself some slack, and notice that you are doing two things either of which would wear out a "normal" person. (Normal person who has done both talking here.) There is a lot of good information on managing anxiety (and just about everything else) here. Read around, everything new old, and especially the stickies at the top of the various forums. It is miraculous to me how very helpful this site is.

Hang in there and be good to yourself.

Eleanor, thanks for recommending the article on the PTSD cup. I had to do a search on the site to find it though. It does make sense to me. I talked to my therapist today and she told me not to think of the big picture but to just put one foot ahead of the other. This site has been very helpful and I am amazed at the profound strength that people have here.