Sufferer Diagnosed with PTSD, just want to live and be happy again

[ChildlessCatLady]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this. I am in my early 40s, female, and feel like I had three different lives at this point because of all the things I experienced (moving to another country, two long-term relationships, several careers). I am struggling with suicidal ideation at the moment due to feeling hopeless and just overwhelmed by recent life events. I was just diagnosed with PTSD stemming from childhood sexual abuse (grooming) and other aggravating factors throughout my life (a parent with schizophrenia, DV, and witnessing a murder).

I wish I have been diagnosed earlier. I am really disappointed that none of my prior therapists were able to diagnose me in my 20s or 30s. Life could have been a whole lot easier because I could have started treatment earlier. Over the last four years, I was dealing with a lot of anger and suicidal ideation. I was constantly triggered by my family, work, and my husband mainly. It became so bad that I even went into psychosis two years ago. I was afraid to get help because I worried about being admitted or falsely diagnosed and then put away somehow. So finally, I decided to go back to therapy to open up about my past, my childhood, and all the stress and abuse. That's how I was diagnosed.

I am doing therapy and started medication (Zoloft). I am interested in EDMR as well. I just want to be more happy and be able to enjoy life again. I have the mindset for it, but I feel so depressed and confused about the past still. It just keeps coming back all the time now. It's over and has been for so long. I feel cursed in a way. I am isolating at the moment, and people at work found out what I am dealing with, which brings up a lot of shame and confusion, distrust, worries about losing my job. IT'S A LOT. I work in mental health, currently as a crisis counselor so I am pretty aware that PTSD can potentially lead to suicide. I've been feeling suicidal for the last two years actually due to the constant triggers. I really need to isolation to stop, it's been four years.

I am glad to have found this forum and look forward to read and interact on here.

 

[Riley Jones]

Welcome to our community, and thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of strength and courage to open up about your experiences and seek help, and you are taking important steps towards healing by engaging in therapy and exploring different treatment options.

It's understandable to feel disappointed that your PTSD diagnosis didn't come earlier, but it's never too late to start working on your healing journey. The important thing now is that you are getting the support you need and deserve.

You are not alone in your struggles, and many individuals in this community can relate to what you're going through. Sharing your experiences and connecting with others who understand can be incredibly validating and comforting.

It's great that you are considering EMDR as a potential treatment option, as it has been helpful for many individuals with PTSD. Remember to be patient with yourself as you navigate through the ups and downs of this process.

Concerns about work and the reactions of others can add an additional layer of stress to an already challenging situation. It's important to prioritize your well-being and focus on self-care during this time.

Please feel free to explore the different forums on myptsd.com, where you can find support, information, and resources related to PTSD and CPTSD. If you ever feel overwhelmed or in crisis, don't hesitate to reach out for professional help or contact a helpline for immediate support.

You are not cursed, and there is hope for a brighter future ahead. Keep taking care of yourself and reaching out for support when you need it. We are here for you every step of the way.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the community! Glad you found us:)
Hopefully this place helps ease the isolation a bit.

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the community!

and feel like I had three different lives at this point

<grin> There was a social thread awhile back about how you’d title a book about your life. My own? “It all made sense, at the time.” <<< My life, like many people’s here, has not only had several different chapters, but radially -180 degree- different chapters in our lives. TO ME? That seems perfectly natural. That’s just life, right? My best/oldest/childhood friend, on the other hand, has pointed out that no one (very few, I’m certain at least a FEW people aren’t idiots) people BELIEVE ME when they first meet me. Because they see me in whatever life I’m living and cannot wrap their heads around my leading other lives. Having LIVED my life? Pfft. It all made sense, at the time. One thing flowed naturally into the next.

 

[arfie]

hello cat lady. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

according to my casual math, ptsd became a formal diagnosis around the time you were 8 years old. i was in treatment at the veteran's administration in 1992 and happened to catch the first in-house publication and first heard the term, "post-traumatic stress disorder." by 2004, the treatment plans for combat ptsd were under development and civilian shrinks were just beginning to catch on. there were still not many civilian treatment plans available.

oopsie. . . is my love of trivia showing? my hopes for the digression was to offer hope that your time is right on time every time. shall i add my 70 year certainty that 40 is far from too late to begin. "time has no meaning in the healing process." algonquin proverb

easy does it, cat lady. steadying support while you find your healing path. welcome aboard.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

We seem very similar. I am fairly new here too. I have a neurological disorder and for the past 23 years my PTSD symptoms were just assumed to be part of that. About 5 months ago a therapist figured it out. I dived in head first on the PTSD stuff. I am probably the only one here who thinks the PTSD diagnosis was a blessing. It is something I can do things for as opposed to a rotting brain. I take a sub therapeutic dose of Zoloft to reduce frustration, anger and temper. It really works for me. I am also taking Buspirone for anxiety and that really helps with the emotional dysregulation. I isolate too and I am really working on that too. Last night I went out to dinner with a group of 6. This would have been impossible 6 months ago but I had a great time. After dinner we all went to a play, it was great. I felt like I felt in the 1990s. I am actually excited about the future. The point of this ramble is first to welcome you and second, there is hope. I have a long ways to go but my progress to date iIs amazing me.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

Another similarity is I witnessed a murder at age 10. Good luck on your journey. I try to think of it as an adventure.

 

[ChildlessCatLady]

We seem very similar. I am fairly new here too. I have a neurological disorder and for the past 23 years my PTSD symptoms were just assumed to be part of that. About 5 months ago a therapist figured it out. I dived in head first on the PTSD stuff. I am probably the only one here who thinks the PTSD diagnosis was a blessing. It is something I can do things for as opposed to a rotting brain. I take a sub therapeutic dose of Zoloft to reduce frustration, anger and temper. It really works for me. I am also taking Buspirone for anxiety and that really helps with the emotional dysregulation. I isolate too and I am really working on that too. Last night I went out to dinner with a group of 6. This would have been impossible 6 months ago but I had a great time. After dinner we all went to a play, it was great. I felt like I felt in the 1990s. I am actually excited about the future. The point of this ramble is first to welcome you and second, there is hope. I have a long ways to go but my progress to date iIs amazing me.

Thank you for the welcome. I definitely understand that you feel like the diagnosis itself is a blessing because it enables you to take action. I get that feeling. What you said about going out again and feeling good is definitely helpful. I do feel that Zoloft helps a lot with anxiety, panic, and anger or rage. My god, I am so tired of feeling angry! Glad you had fun being out. It also helps to have good people in your life. Have a good one!

Another similarity is I witnessed a murder at age 10. Good luck on your journey. I try to think of it as an adventure.

I see. It's definitely a similarity... Age 10 is very early to see something like that. I was a young adult then, so I feel like I could have intervened in some way but was frozen and just shocked. Just a lot to process. My current therapist helped me put that event into a perspective that I can live with now.

Welcome to the community!



<grin> There was a social thread awhile back about how you’d title a book about your life. My own? “It all made sense, at the time.” <<< My life, like many people’s here, has not only had several different chapters, but radially -180 degree- different chapters in our lives. TO ME? That seems perfectly natural. That’s just life, right? My best/oldest/childhood friend, on the other hand, has pointed out that no one (very few, I’m certain at least a FEW people aren’t idiots) people BELIEVE ME when they first meet me. Because they see me in whatever life I’m living and cannot wrap their heads around my leading other lives. Having LIVED my life? Pfft. It all made sense, at the time. One thing flowed naturally into the next.

You're right about it all making sense at the time. I haven't looked at it from that perspective. It just gets confusing at times when looking back at it all. Thanks for the welcome!

hello cat lady. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

according to my casual math, ptsd became a formal diagnosis around the time you were 8 years old. i was in treatment at the veteran's administration in 1992 and happened to catch the first in-house publication and first heard the term, "post-traumatic stress disorder." by 2004, the treatment plans for combat ptsd were under development and civilian shrinks were just beginning to catch on. there were still not many civilian treatment plans available.

oopsie. . . is my love of trivia showing? my hopes for the digression was to offer hope that your time is right on time every time. shall i add my 70 year certainty that 40 is far from too late to begin. "time has no meaning in the healing process." algonquin proverb

easy does it, cat lady. steadying support while you find your healing path. welcome aboard.

I did not know that treatment for PTSD is a pretty recent development. Thanks for the lesson in medical history :) I appreciate you warm welcome! Yeah, I understand, time is an artificial concept in the bigger meaning of life itself.